Re-Elect Texas' Greatest Pretend Representative

She loves ducksFormer fake Texas Congresswoman Shelley "Dracula Cunt" Sekula Gibbs won an election, once: it was a "special" election to determine who would warm Tom DeLay's old seat when he resigned in shame. For seven glorious weeks she served our nation, and then there was a normal election, and she lost horribly to a Democrat named "Slick Nick" Lampson. She vowed never to give up on America, and today America can show it has not given up on her by voting for her crazy ass in the 22nd Congressional District primary.

Way back in aught-six, Tom DeLay resigned his seat on account of corruption charges, and the Republicans thought they could run another candidate in his place, but they couldn't. And so his weird replacement Dr. Sekula Gibbs didn't have a spot on the ballot, so she ran as a write-in candidate, which led to the hilarious write-in moniker "Shelly DraculaCunt Gibs," which counted as an actual legitimate vote.

(Interestingly, it was precisely this nightmare scenario that led our hero Chris Peden to run for Ron Paul's congressional seat, lest Mr. Paul be elected president and leave the 14th District bereft of representation save some filthy Democrat.)

Pretend Congresswoman Dracula Cunt used her short time in office to the fullest, completely overhauling the tax code and causing her entire staff to quit. Washington needs more leaders like her, which is why she receives Wonkette's endorsement, despite stiff opposition from worthies with names like "Manlove."

Dr. Shelley Sekula Gibbs for Congress

GOP takes aim at Democrat in seat once held by DeLay [Dallas Morning News]


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