Hey, Hitler knew things, and see where that got us

Fish splooge runner-up Donald Trump continued his charm offensive this week. In addition to explaining that Jeb! Bush can never be president of America if he refuses to speako the English, Trump turned his attention to Ben Carson, who recently tied Trump for the first time in a poll of Iowa Republicans. In an interview with Tucker Carlson's Internet Nexus For Worried White People, Trump said he thinks Carson is quite the nice fellow, but would probably not be a very good president because of his lack of relevant experience.

Let's just type those words one more time: Donald Trump, habitually bankrupt real-estate developer and television game show host, is concerned that Dr. Ben Carson doesn't have enough experience to hold the most powerful elective office in the world. We'll give you a moment to clean the coffee off your keyboard and monitor now.

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Despite Carson's bump in the polls, Trump was dismissive of his long-term chances:

Asked by TheDC [sic? Or is that their insane house style?] whether being a doctor provides the necessary experience to be president, Trump said while Carson is “a wonderful guy,” he thinks it would be “very tough” for someone who spent his life as a surgeon to handle the job.

“I think it’s a very difficult situation that he’d be placed in,” Trump elaborated. “He’s really a friend of mine, I just think it’s a very difficult situation that he puts himself into, to have a doctor who wasn’t creating jobs and would have a nurse or maybe two nurses. It’s such a different world. I’ve created tens of thousands of jobs over the years.”

Now, we do believe Mr. Trump is -- and it pains us to admit this, but we're big enough to say a thing is true when it's true -- right: Ben Carson is not by any stretch of the imagination qualified for an office that requires someone who's able to build lots of tacky hotels and golf courses, and to blame all the nation's problems on China and Mexico. There are almost no situations in which the Chief Executive of the United States will be called upon to do brain surgery -- and let's all just be thankful that the one time it was necessary was while Jimmy Carter held the office.

The other thing we love is Trump's childlike assessment of Carson's value as a president. Carson can't amount to much, since he only "created jobs" for a couple of nurses. Oh, and saved some lives. And ran a pediatric neurosurgery department. And trained brain surgeons. All of which have done more good for the world than any of Trump's casinos or golf courses.

The problem with Ben Carson isn't that he doesn't have any executive experience -- it's limited, but sure, he has it. Forget how many jobs he's created or lives he's saved; despite all his achievements in the operating room, when it comes to politics, Ben Carson is as clueless as Donald Trump is, and only managed to become a darling of the right wing because he had the good fortune to get noticed for calling Obamacare "the worst thing since slavery" and having a compelling personal story. Happily, it's a year when saying outrageous stuff and promising to be the opposite of Barack Obama is enough to win a spot on the GOP debate stage. And Trump and Carson have a talent for saying crazy shit that their audiences eat up, so together they could become a Super Saiyan Derp Force.

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And here we are in the early polling, with these two doofuses in first and second place for the Republican nomination and no sign that the grownups are ever going to show up and take the conch away from the Lost Boys. All we need now is for Iowa Sen. Joni Ernst to show up and castrate some hogs, and it'll be a beautiful cookout.

[The Hill / Daily Caller]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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