Relax With A Boozy Old Fashioned Lady

Do you enjoy cocktails made with egg whites? Of course, you do. Oh, you over there, you say you don't? How can you be so sure if you've never even tried one? Try one; try this one. It is boozy, and it is delicious.

The egg white is all about the texture of the drink. When done right, it's like drinking velvet. Sweet, luscious, boozy velvet. If the thought of consuming raw egg grosses you out, consider two things: 1) Become an adult and recognize the chances of getting sick are pretty slim; 2) If you do get sick, you won't really know if it was the egg or from drinking too much!

With the rise of artisanal everything, egg white drinks are coming back in a big way on those rip-off cocktail menus at trendy bars and restaurants. Gin is the most frequently featured liquor, but some have brandy or other spirits. They have names like White Lady and Pink Lady. Save yourself $15 and feel fancy at home.

We're going to do a mash up of the "Lady" drinks and the ever-popular Old Fashioned, and we shall name it the Old Fashioned Lady. We simply prefer whiskey, nothing against gin.

You'll need a knife, fancy stemware (champagne saucer or martini glass), a citrus juicer, and a vessel in which to shake the cocktail. We recommend a Boston shaker (which is not named for a religious sect), but one those multi-piece jams is just fine. Also, too, we have found that an appropriately sized plastic container with a snap-on lid works wonderfully.

We are not going to go deeply into separating eggs today (we don't have time; we need to make this fucking drink already). Just do not break the yolk. An egg white contaminated with yolk (or any fat, for that matter) will not do what we need it to do.

Depending on the size of your glass, this is one or two drinks.

Old Fashioned Lady

2 oz. whiskey (we're using Jameson today, you use the whiskey you like to mix)

1 oz. Cointreau (or triple sec, you poor bastards)

The juice of one lemon

The juice of one mandarin

A drop or two of Angostura bitters

1 egg white

Sugar, for rimming the glasses (optional)

Ice, for the shaking, to be strained out

Optionally, rub the cut side of the lemon around the rim of your (chilled!) glasses, then roll them around in a pile of sugar. If you are making this drink for the Editrix some time next year, do not opt out of this step, or she will be very : (.

Put your liquor, juices, bitters, egg white, and ice into your shaker.

Shake the living shit out of it, until the mixture is nice and emulsified.

Strain into your prepared glasses.

Enjoy -- quickly while it's still cold! You didn't think you could have so much fun with an Old Fashioned Lady, did you?