Not pretty.

Hey, remember back a week before the election, when we found out that, on top of allegations that Russia had been cultivating Donald Trump as an asset FOR YEARS, there was also this weird server in Trump Tower that only communicated with Alfa Bank in Russia? That was weird! Unfortunately America was distracted at that moment by startling new revelations that Hillary Clinton's recipe for banana bread might have crossed Anthony Weiner's XXX server, and the rest is history. Trump the Russian Puppet is "president" of America, and Hillary Clinton is doing whatever she wants, because fuck you is why.

Well! CNN reports that, in case you were wondering if that whole "weird server" thing was just bygones, the FBI is still very much investigating it:

Federal investigators and computer scientists continue to examine whether there was a computer server connection between the Trump Organization and a Russian bank, sources close to the investigation tell CNN.

Questions about the possible connection were widely dismissed four months ago. [...]

Slate and The New York Times were first to report the unusual server activity. The Times said the FBI had concluded there could be an "innocuous explanation."

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]CNN, you need to BACK THE FUCK OFF. Slate broke the story, not "Slate and the New York Times." And the Times said the FBI "had concluded" it was probably a big nothing (likely sourced from an anonymous FBI official whose name rhymes with "Homey") because Times reporter Eric Lichtblau, a fucking hack, was on the server story too, and it appears he was pissed that little old Slate had scooped the fuck out of him. Can we please make sure that little detail is included in all future stories about this? Because Wonkette watched it in real time, and it was fucked up. (For the record, reporting by McClatchy several months later pretty much debunked every little detail in Lichtblau's sniveling "waaaaaah, another reporter scooped me" story.)

This is all back in the news, of course, because Donald Dickshit Trump thinks some Breitbart story about "Obama" doing "wire tapps" to Trump Tower is actually a thing. According to CNN, the FISA court did not do a "wire tapp" to the server, but the Justice Department is understandably not commenting on an ongoing investigation, because Trump Tower Computer Server is not spelled H-I-L-L-A-R-Y.

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]After Trump embarked on his storm of molten Twitter sharts about that, the dillweeds at "Fox & Friends," spurred on by the right wing fever swamps, concluded that Hillary Clinton was actually in on the #WiretappScandal, because she tweeted about the Slate article when it came out at the end of October. The "Fox & Friends" kids are real stupid like that.

Now, we are not sure what these servers are doing with each other, or even if they're using condoms with each other. The Trump team and others have said it's spam or something, and maybe that's true! Maybe the servers in Alfa Bank in Russia and the Trump Tower in New York are just endlessly bouncing back and forth a spam email about how if you attend the big sale at the Big Lots, you are entitled to a gift certificate for two free buffets at Ryan's Family Steakhouse, and it's just no big. Why did Trump Tower send the Russian bank that coupon alert in the first place? To be nice, is why, and because again, they ONLY COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER, so who else would they send it to?

OR maybe those servers communicated with each other about the Trump team's (alleged LOLOL) collusion with Russia to steal the election.

OR maybe they are laundering money.

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]OR maybe we were right, even though we were just bein' silly at the time, to wildly speculate that Melania Trump is actually a Russian spy, who started the whole Russian cultivation of Donald Trump, by agreeing to lie underneath him IN HOLY MATRIMONY while he grinded his stale erection up against her bathing suit region. Hey, somebody is still living at Trump Tower, and it is Melania.

An interesting detail to remember about the sexxx between these servers is that when reporters started poking around the story, all of a sudden the servers stopped going "BING BONG!" at each other, only to restart again quietly a few days later, with the connections configured all different-like (insert computer words here about DNS addresses and connections that we, yr lowly Wonkette, ain't even begin to understand). Weird, right?

Anyway, the FBI is still looking at it, and they will either find #TheSmokingGun or #ASmokingGun, or maybe they might find some really great spam emails, or maybe Russian pee hooker porn, we don't even know.

Hey, know who ELSE had an email server? Anyway, give Wonkette money, as a love gift, because that's how we run this place, instead of shitty ads.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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