Rep. Steve King: Immigrants Loading Up On Slut Pills On 'Rape Path' To 'Death Train', Sure Why Not

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If it is a day of the week, which it usually is, then you can bet Rep. Steve King, theself-proclaimed Jesus of Iowa, is choke-holding logic and reason and common decency and kicking puppies and torturing chickens because he is Steve King. And Steve King is awful, terrible, awfully terrible, terribly awful, and just plain stupid. Whether he's talking about scary Messicans or scary ladyparts or scary Obama or scary voices in Steve King's head, he is always striving to scrape the scum-covered bottom of the wingnut barrel to show us just how Steve King he can be. So it will surprise you precisely zero amount that today, being a day of the week and all, Steve King is Steve Kinging on the issue of immigration in a way that only Steve King can:


This is a man-caused disaster, and the man that caused it is Barack Obama, with his DACA policies and his Morton memos, and the advertisement that has been such a huge magnet that have caused these families to give their daughters birth control pills and send them down a rape path all the way through Mexico, and it’s a death path on the death train.

Where to even begin? Besides dousing yourself in gasoline and lighting a match because this son of a bitch is a member of Congress who not only gets to go on the tee vee and say words that make the ears of any semi-self-respecting human being bleed, but he also gets to vote and make decisions that affect our lives, and the corndog-gobblers of Iowa keep sending him back to keep doing that (screw you, Iowa, seriously), so obviously, everything is meaningless.

But let's try anyway to make sense of Steve's latest tinfoiled word salad.

In the echo-y air tunnel that is Steve King's head, the crisis of brown children invading America with their "calves the size of cantaloupes" to smuggle marijuana and god only knows what others kinds of brown people things into the U.S. of Assholes all leads back to that HUGE ad buy of Barack Obama's, wherein he said "Y'all should come to America double quick (where I may or may not detain you and send your ass back to whatever non-America country you came from), and also I approved this message."

And because all the non-Americans of the world watched the hell out of that ad, which was carefully hidden inside memos and policies that you might think do not actually say "Everyone's welcome!" but that's because you're not as smart as Steve King, all those Messican families loaded up their daughters with birth control pills to send them down the rape path, which is like the yellow brick road, except with rape. And death. And a train somehow.

I could explain to Steve King that, as an aside, that's not even how birth control works, though clearly he imagines those families saying, "Here, honey, it's going to be a long journey on the rape path, so load up on these birth control pills now, it's like a camel drinking water, that's exactly how it works." But Jesus Steve Christ am I tired of explaining how birth control actually works (even though I will no doubt do it again because I like pain, obviously), so let's skip that for now and try to understand Steve's creative geography, wherein there is a rape path that is also a death path, which you access by buying a ticket on the death train -- choo choo! -- to arrive at Steve's office to tell him what an asshole he is, THANKS OBAMA!

Trying. Trying. Trying.

Nope, it is impossible. There is literally, physically, mathematically, psychologically NO WAY to suffer through the ear-bleeding to derive any sense whatsoever from all those words. No, Obama is not encouraging brown kids hopped up on slut pills to ride the death train on the rape path to death, that is fucking stupid and insane and really, we should have just stuck with the aforementioned self-immolation plan, which would still be less painful than trying to understand what even the fuck Steve King is talking about -- an always pointless exercise no one should ever do because Steve King is Steve goddamned King and he will keep Steve Kinging on the House floor and the tee vee and the not-very-popular hate rallies until Iowans put us out of our misery and kick his sorry ass to the back of the unemployment line. Please get on that, Iowa. Like, NOW.

[Mediaite]

Follow Kaili Joy Gray on Twitter. Don't forget to load up on birth control.

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