Rep. Steve King Is Most Mexicanest Person Alive, Says Rep. Steve King
What comes to mind when you think of Iowa Rep. Steve King? Racist? Wingnut? Asshole? Dumb as a knapsack full of syphilitic fucks? Well you are wrong, because the only thing that should come into your mind when you hear the name "Steve King" is "Most Likely To Be So Mexican," because that's what's true:
Now look, before you run off to Wikipedia to check on this, please understand that yr Wonkette has already DONE that journalism, and found the following information about Steve King's background:
King was born on May 28, 1949, in Storm Lake, Iowa, the son of Mildred Lila (née Culler), a homemaker, and Emmett A. King, a state police dispatcher. He has Irish, German, Welsh, and English ancestry. King graduated in 1967 from Denison Community High School. He is married to Marilyn, with whom he has three children. Raised a Methodist, King became a Catholic, his wife's faith, several years after marrying her.
Um, yeah, Wikipedia is the real racist and should stop making up white Iowa ancestry for a man so clearly Latino that whole genres of Mexican folk music are named after him, probably. Because clearly "Steve King" was born with the name "Esteban," and he comes from Tijuana. His mother's name was Carmencita and his father got kilt by the cartel, because he sucked at life. He and his wife eloped right after her quinceañera, because she couldn't wait for that 100 percent Angus-certified Steve King pene.
And look, during his tenure in Congress, or as he likes to call it, congreso, King has shown himself to be an expert in all things Messican. How would he even know these things if he wasn't a solid Spanish?
- Like how Mexican lady immigrants who are DREAMers, because their parents are undocumented, but who have college degrees from Arizona State University, are actually drug smugglers who can't say English words, even though they are talking to you in fluent English RIGHT NOW.
- How Mexicans have done so many 9/11s to America you can't even count them. Three times? Nine times? WHO CAN SAY?
- Some Mexicans are the valedictorians of their high school classes, but others weigh 130 pounds, and 65 pounds of that are their calves, which are shaped like cantaloupes, due to the great workouts they get carrying marijuana across the desert. This is just a simple Mexican Science Fact, don't blame Steve King.
- What has Barack Obama done to Mexicans? Simple. He has "caused these families to give their daughters birth control pills and send them down a rape path all the way through Mexico, and it’s a death path on the death train." Rape path, Mexico, death path, death train. That is what happens, in Mexico, because of Barack Obama.
- Steve King knows America is not just a country, it's an IDEA, whereas Mexico is just a country with Mexicans in it. And you know that thing about how if a baby is born in the United States, it gets to be a U.S. American, even if its parents are gross browns from Foreign Town? Yeah well, we shouldn't do that anymore, because Mexican babies don't deserve to be born in IDEAS, they should be born in Mexican countries.
So those are some very important #MexicoFacts that prove once and for all that Iowa Rep. Steve King is not the real gringo, YOU are the real gringo, and Julian Castro -- whose grandmother was born in Northern Mexico, whose mommy was a Chicana political activist and whose daddy has the same last name as that escaped Mexican drug lord what wants to murder Donald Trump for sport -- is the gringoest of all.
Somebody ask him to pull up his knickers so we can see his cantaloupe calves, maybe then you'll be convinced.