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Wonkette Niece fires Donald Trump RIGHT BACK.


Top o' the Saturday morning to you, Wonkers! We assume you are lounged out in your Hello Kitty snuggie, ready to catch up on your Wonket Top Ten reading list from the week. If you're not, then take care of that, and pour yourselves whatever pumpkin spice liquor you drink during the mornings.

First Thing's First, though, it is officially The Holidays, which means we have some War On Christmas housekeeping to do. First, have you subscribed to yr new, sexxxy AD-FREE WONKETTE yet? Oh yeah, kids. You get to look at yr dick jokes and your quality journalism without it crashing your browser! Click here to see how!

You should also find it in your beautiful hearts to throw us some dollars, to feed the Wonkette children and the Wonkette babby and also the Wonkette Media EMPIRE for the War On Christmas. So click here and give us $5, $10, or $25, as a special Santa present! Remember, you can even use your Love Offering to give a special "just the tip" to me, yours truly, the "Evan" one, or to the "Kaili" one, or to the "Dok" one. Or all of us!

Oh hi, I am the Wonkette Baby. I live beneath the donations paragraph with my puppy dogs.

Okay, here is your weekend reading list, chosen as usual by the scientific method of "counting":

1. Oh look, it's that new C.A. Pinkham brat with his "Off The Menu" restaurant stories, at the top of the list. We have a feeling this is going to be a pattern. READ IT, IT IS SO GOOD.

2. Precious white people losing their damn minds over GMO salmon. NOTE: We got a lot of feedback on this piece, good and bad! It was very interesting, and we're sure we'll revisit it again in the future.,

3. That idiot Nevada lawmaker Michele Fiore decked her halls with tits and guns, and also more tits, on her crazy-ass Christmas card.

4. Oh look, it's that C.A. Pinkham's FIRST story about the bad restaurant customers, placing again this week!

4.5 This does not get its own official number, because apparently a lot of people spent a hell of a lot of time on Pinkham's author page this week. Were you all fapping at the time? You were fapping. We know you were fapping. If you need to go fap again, be our guest.

5. The GOP candidates spent some time Jewsplaining how Jewishing works, to the Jewishes. It didn't go well.

6. Sarah Palin sad about getting fired, Bristol being whore. You buy her book now?

7. Erick Erickson had thoughts about the Planned Parenthood shooting. They were bad thoughts.

8. Oh, look, another story appearing for the second week in a row. If you haven't read Wonkette journalism 'splaining to the Daily Beast how it's bad to misidentify mass shooters, you should do that now.

9. Carly Fiorina's good with terrorists being able to buy guns, as long as they promise to use them responsibly.

10. And finally, Peggy Noonan will slur her way through her prayers if she wants to, you jerk.

So there you go, Wonkers. That's your assigned reading.

Now you have one task left, and one task only. You should go ahead and take care of the things we told you to do at the top of this piece. Subscribe. Throw dollars at our face. Ain't no thang. You can handle that, yes?

Now get the fuck out of here and do your reading.

Love,

Wonket

[wysija_form id="2"]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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I'd mentioned this week that there's definitely probably a tape out there of Donald Trump referring to a black person as a "nigger," because Trump is a racist and that's sort of what they do. Sarah Huckabee Sanders won't even affirmatively deny such a tape exists, and she's from the "two plus two equals five" school of communications management. I also speculated that once the tape was released, Republican supporters of the president would flock to defend his vile words: "Hey, if you rearrange the letters in "nigger," you get "ginger" and who doesn't like redheads and the occasional Dark 'n' Stormy?"

The shameful display has already started and the supposed recording isn't even available for pre-order on iTunes. Georgia State Senator Michael Williams stated in appearance on CNN's "New Day Saturday" that if Trump -- who's the president, by the way -- did say "nigger," it would certainly concern him as an "individual" but "not necessarily as a person that is running our country." So, uh, what the hell is that? This has been a standard argument from Republicans ever since Trump crawled his way out of the sewers of birtherism and onto a major political stage: "We think Trump is a terrible human being -- seriously, we have to shower immediately after meeting with him -- but we still think he's a suitable steward of the most powerful nation on the planet."

Normally, you'd think this would work the other way. You know, your brother-in-law is a nice enough guy. Your sister certainly could've done worse. You don't mind the slightly rambling sports-ball discussions with him at family gatherings. He's good for looking after the kids (as long as your sister is present or reachable by cell), but you'd never invest your hard-earned money into whatever half-assed business venture he's trying to get off the ground nor would you back his run for any serious political office.

I've long had issues with the "brilliant asshole" archetype in TV and movies. It's almost always a white male (because women and minorities must be perfect) whose emotional immaturity and overall jerkass behavior we're told to overlook because they're so goshdarned awesome. Do you want some PC "cuck" or do you want Dr. House to figure out that the MS symptoms you're suffering are really just because you ate a stale doughnut? Sherlock Holmes doesn't have time for your feelings or social niceties -- not while he's solving mysteries and being dreamy.

Trump, however, isn't "brilliant." He's just a guy who says "nigger." They're hardly a scarcity in the market. You don't even have to venture out to a klan rally to find one. You can order online -- same day social media delivery.

Williams argues that Trump didn't use the word "nigger" when he was in the "office of the president." It was just some youthful indiscretion when he was almost 60. I don't even know where he's going with this. Does he think Trump has changed? He routinely insults and belittles black people. He also calls black NFL players who peacefully protest "sons of bitches." Was that his way of weaning off calling us "niggers"? Has he been wearing a "nigger" patch on his arm to control his cravings for the racial epithet?

"He used the word in his personal life," Williams said. (It was actually in a workplace context -- SER) "Now if he were president and were to go on TV and use the n-word, I'd have a major problem with that."

media.giphy.com

It's heartening repulsive to see that Williams draws the line at Trump holding an official "nigger" press conference. I think once we reach that point, Trump will probably also reveal that his buddies on the Supreme Court discovered a typo in the Thirteenth Amendment and black folks' work-life balance will start to really suffer.

"I will always say using the n-word is wrong, and it's bad, and should never be accepted in our society. But just because (Trump) might have done it years ago, not as our president, doesn't mean we need to continue to berate him because he used it," GOP state Sen. Michael Williams, who is white, told CNN's Victor Blackwell on "New Day Saturday."

Blackwell, who is black, had to sit there and listen to this crap from a white elected official who is just 45 years old. You know, the word "nigger" doesn't even appear in the Dred Scott decision, for example, but that's not necessary for reasonable people to understand that it was racist as hell. We all know Trump is racist, but now Republicans can't even repudiate the worst demonstrations of his racial animus. The first black president hasn't even been out of office for two full years and already "nigger" is being redefined. What would once end a campaign in its tracks when Blackwell and I were growing up is now just an "oops, my bad."

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