Donate

Republicans Fabricated Smoking Gun Emails They Maybe Illegally Leaked; Forgot To Add Smoking Gun

News

First, a disclaimer: We, like you, are so. Fucking. Tired! of Benghazi. If Republicans had just taken our advice, they would not be suffering in the polls because they are wasting everyone’s time, and we would not be weeping into our latte because we have to keep struggling to wring a few drops of funny out of this fucking nothingburger of a non-anything story. But this was too good to pass up: Not only were the “smoking gun” Benghazi emails that leaked this week actually devoid of anything that could be called a “smoking gun,” we now know that a) they were mostly just made up, and b) they came directly from unnamed Republican sources.


Yes, really, some idiot(s) flat re-wrote parts of the emails, then presented these exquisite works of fiction to the press as evidence of a cover-up. They did this to make the emails more scandalish, except the “scandal” they wanted to play up was “the State Department wanted to cover its ass,” which is not so much a scandal as, HELLO my name is Politics, have we met before?! Is this your first rodeo, too? Salon reminds us that the last time something like this happened, heads rolled; are you holding your breath for that to happen this time? We are not.

Please help us count the reasons why this is stupid; we’ll get you started:

1) Even if the State Department is guilty of ass-covering, nobody really cares beyond the usual wingnuts.

2) If you’re just going to make stuff up, you have to do better than this. Maybe Hillary was braiding Huma Abedin’s hair when she got the message that Chris Stevens was killed, and she said “Haha serves him right for having a penis, I hate men!”

3) Uh, we are not SURE but we think that these leaked emails were classified? This is our only source on that, and it’s a bit of extrapolation even from there, but… Holder, you got this? Brennan, can you spare a drone?

4) Good luck getting Americans to care about the other, slightly less bullshit scandals you’re pushing when you have to straight up lie to keep this one going, except

5) Go look at any mainstream American news site. Do you see any stories about “Oh hey, remember when we reported on those leaked ‘Smoking Gun’ Benghazi emails? Turns out Republican members of Congress or their associates fucking just made them up! What a weird world!”

No, you do not see any such stories. CNN’s going with IRS, Kai the Hitchhiker, and “Why dogs shouldn’t dress like pandas.” It’s a video!

[Mother Jones]

$
Donate with CC

Voters in Oklahoma approved a June ballot initiative making medical marijuana legal, and in response, the state's Republican establishment has gone into full Reefer Madness Freakout Mode, certain that if anyone gets a prescription for wacky tobacky, folks will be smoking marijuana in Muskogee, and wearing roman sandals instead of leather boots. Among those getting in on the fun of a full-on political panic was Julie Ezell, the general counsel for the State Department of Health, who resigned last week after it was revealed she'd written threatening emails to herself and claimed they'd been sent by dangerous weed advocates. Ezell was charged Tuesday with making a false police report and generally being a narc in the incident. Authorities are said to be weighing an uptight buzzkill enhancement.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Two days ago, Donald Trump pulled off his stinky diaper, rubbed it into his orange hair, and shouted WHERE'S MUH PARADE? He'd just emerged from a two-hour, closed-door meeting with a former KGB officer, confident that his manly charm and unfailing natural instincts had carried the day again. Putin said he didn't hack the DNC, and why ever not wouldn't Trump just not believe him!

So, what did Trump and Putin discuss when they were mano-a-mano? Only Vladimir Putin's listening device knows! Donald Trump is a stable genius, and geniuses don't take notes!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc