Republicans Have Secret Plan If SCOTUS Kills Obamacare. No, You Can't See It.

Rest easy, America: If the Supreme Court murders Obamacare over what amounts to a proofreading error later this month, Republicans are ready with a replacement plan, according to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. No, you can't see it. It's a surprise. Stop trying to peek. Stop it! There is too something in the box, just don't shake it or you'll ruin it!

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"We'll have a plan that makes sense for the American people," the Republican leader said during an interview with The Joe Elliott Show. "If the plaintiff is successful it will require some addressing of the issue, and if that were to happen we'll be ready to announce our proposal."

McConnell elected not to reveal any details of the plan, which may be the same secret plan to replace Obamacare that he and John Boehner didn't reveal any details of back in January, or it might be the other secret plan to replace Obamacare that John Boehner didn't reveal any details of in March. Look, we already told you once, didn't we, that it is secret, did we not? It certainly wouldn't involve huge tax increases for the middle class, and it would be far more comprehensive than just calling you a crybaby because you lost your precious little subsidy. Which is not to say that the plan doesn't involve some laughing in your face and calling you a crybaby, because that is how Mitch rolls.

Besides, it's all Obama's fault if he doesn't have the leadership ability to fix the mess the GOP made with this case. It's an awesome plan, and it'll probably also defeat ISIS at one blow, like ker-POW! No, can't tell you how it'll do that, either. You want the terrorists to know? All in all, as Sen. John Thune also pointed out, Barack Obama doesn't even recognize what a terrible thing he did by letting Republicans block the simple administrative fix that would make the Supreme Court case moot:

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Good thing Republicans have a plan to clean up the president's mess. Whatever that plan is, none of your business yet:

“We'll let you know depending on the outcome of the decision," McConnell said when asked if he would discuss details of the Republican plan.

He added that the Affordable Care Act is "a terrible law, but we are where we are."

And where are we, exactly? McConnell said he'd let us know, as soon as the Supreme Court decides. But he's not lost. Definitely not lost. We're right here, like that line from Buckaroo Banzai: "No matter where you go, Mitch McConnell is an asshole."

Also, he's not touching you. He's not touching you. Stop flinching, he's not touching you.

[The Hill]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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