Republicans *Just Can't Figure Out* Why Mail-In Votes Favor Joe Biden!

2020 presidential election
Photo: John Lloyd, Creative Commons License 2.0

One of the big mysteries so far in this election for all the rightwing Nancy Drews out there is why Joe Biden got so many, many more mail-in votes than Donald Trump did. Republicans all across Twitter cannot figure it out. Probably it is fraud! Just like how it's fraud when they count the ballots at night or don't count the votes at night, or count the ballots slow or count them fast.

Could it be that people who voted for Donald Trump, a person who kept saying that mail-in voting was bad and not to do mail-in voting, who was so mad about mail-in voting that he tried to implode the US Postal Service, didn't do mail-in voting? You know, because of how he said not to? And that people who voted for Joe Biden, who were also far more concerned about social distancing and keeping safe during a pandemic, were also more likely to vote by mail?

LOL of course not.

How is it even possible, they are wondering, that Trump was so far ahead before they counted the mail-in ballots, and then so far behind after they counted the mail-in ballots?

"They" would love you to believe that Biden gained votes when they counted mail-in ballots. Can you believe?

That particular article reads:

The Democrats, in the privacy of the Philly Convention Center, without ANY GOP inspectors, added OVER ONE MILLION VOTES to Joe Biden's totals in 2 days! Joe Biden added one-third of his votes in Pennsylvania since Wednesday morning!

And they want you to take and shut up about it!

We do! We absolutely do want you to "take and shut up about it," and also that is a saying that people use all of the time. Either because we want to steal the election from you and poor Donald Trump, or because we all knew way ahead of time that because the Republican Pennsylvania legislature insisted, they weren't counting the many, many mail-in ballots until after they tallied the in-person, Election Day vote, and we all knew, ahead of time, that the Election Day vote would favor Trump, while early voting and mail-in voting would favor Biden. One of those two things. Also, just in case you thought we were going to leave any of the lies in that paragraph unmolested:

There have been Republican observers in every precinct in the country, along with Republican vote challengers. Another reason the count took so long!

To be fair, they're all taking their cues from Trump, who also could not see why Biden would be favored in the mail-in ballots he told all of his followers not to use.

Though aides had tried to prepare Trump that mail-in ballots would probably favor Biden, he was "genuinely taken aback," in the words of one campaign adviser, as the votes rolled in for his rival, the former vice president.

Instead of reflecting on whether his rhetoric throughout the campaign demonizing mail-in ballots could have helped cost him the election, the president has taken the results as a vindication on his views of it, advisers said.

"The president's position is, they are just going to keep finding the ballots until they have enough," said one adviser who spoke to him Wednesday.

It is also very surprising to them that Joe Biden won even though his rallies were not as big as Trump rallies! It's almost as if the people who were voting for him didn't think COVID-19 was a hoax and were not willing to risk their lives or the lives of those around them to stand around in an indoor arena listening to anyone talk.

Also, on the bright side, none of us got hypothermia from standing outside in the cold, waiting for the bus to come pick us up from the rally and take us back to the parking lot. So there's that.

This one, however, might be my favorite. From walking "thinking" emoji Dinesh D'Souza, who definitely knows how elections work.

Yes Dinesh D'Souza. They definitely counted all of the votes in California as soon as the polls closed. Either that, or some states are called before all of the votes are in, because it is very obvious who is going to win them. And it takes longer in swing states because the votes are closer. Could it be that?

I wonder!

There sure is a whole lot that is very curious about this whole election if you completely ignore the fact that Trump told his people not to vote by mail, people who were voting for Biden didn't think COVID-19 was a hoax, and also how elections work. So far, the Right has been more than capable of doing that. Guess we'll just check back in when they get to the second stage of grief — anger.

Though some are already there.

The cruelty, after all, is the point.

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc