Lover of Moron.

Rex Tillerson awakened Wednesday morning to FAKE NEWS exclusively reported by NBC, what said he threatened to quit being Donald Trump's Secretary of State, and more importantly, that he called Trump a "moron." So goddangit, he had to do a press conference and let everybody know the truth! He loves the president like a common Anthony Scaramucci, and they are very happy together! Tillerson DID NOT deny calling Donald Trump a "moron," though, or even an "effing moron," which is what MSNBC's Stephanie Ruhle said SHE HEARD was the full quote.

Now, did the Trump White House leak this FAKE NEWS to NBC themselves, maybe because Trump looks like A Idiot right now after his weak and sad performance in Puerto Rico, and now that Trump is getting off AIR-PANE! in Las Vegas to tell grieving mass shooting victims about his Electoral College victory and throw paper towels at their heads? Who can say!

Regardless, Tillerson went out and kissed Trump RIGHT ON HIS ASS, saying how smart and good-looking the president is, and also insisting he NEVER "considered" quitting. He didn't deny ever threatening it, though, and again, he did not deny calling Trump a "moron" or a "fucking moron" or "President Fuck-Bonkers" or "TinyHands McPussGrab." (Wonkette may have added those last two naughty names.)

CNN reports:

"He loves this country. He puts Americans and America First. He's smart," Tillerson said in a hastily arranged statement from the State Department. "He demands results wherever he goes and he holds those around him accountable." [...]

"The vice president has never had to persuade me to remain as secretary of state because I have never considered leaving this post," he said.

Uh huh, and did you do name-calling to the president?

"The places I come from, we don't deal with that kind of petty nonsense." Tillerson said. "I'm just not going to be part of this effort to divide this administration."

Rex Tillerson comes from Exxon and Texas and the Boy Scouts, where you never confirm or deny whether you called the out-of-his-league leader of America a "moron" or a "dipshit" or a "ginormous pervy waste of space who can't even read, allegedly." It's just not polite!

When it was announced that Tillerson would be making impromptu remarks, there was speculation that maybe he would resign. But then Trump kind of threw a bucket of Russian pee on that speculation with this tweet, which suggested he wasn't about to "YOU'RE FIRED!" Tillerson:

Whatever, champ.

After Tillerson's presser, Trump again squatted on his gold-plated toilet and pinched off a tweet:

Except for the part about how Trump is a fucking M-O-R-O-N and Rex Tillerson knows it.

NBC stands by its reporting, and an MSNBC reporter said the network "would not be issuing an apology to America" for telling everybody this very good and true gossip the Secretary of State pointedly did not deny. So, the choice is yours, America: Who you gonna believe? The pathological liar moron president or literally everyone else?


Anyway, Tillerson's still out by the end of the year. Bet your ass on it.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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