Rich Person Phil Robertson: Flood Victims Should Just Move If They Don't Like The Water

Phil Robertson, a person who is very famous and rich because he invented a thing that calls ducks and has a reality television show and is thus qualified to regularly comment on the human condition for some reason, does not think the government should be in the business of helping victims of the Louisiana flood, or any natural disasters for that matter.

In a truly mind-boggling interview with Brian Sexton, who was hosting "The Tom Roten Morning Show," Robertson discussed the recent flooding in his home state, and why he wasn't clear on why it was even such a big deal, because people don't like it when there is a drought, either.

Transcript via RightWingWatch:

Here’s my view of disasters, whether it be hurricanes, tornados, it just rains a lot. Everyone needs to take a deep breath and say—You know, I’ve noticed something. We bellyache when it doesn’t rain because we can’t grow anything and ‘It’s a drought, it’s a drought!’ We all bellyache and then cry out. Well, when it rains, starts raining and it rains too much so you have a flood, ‘It’s a flood, it’s a flood!’ and everyone gets all bent out of shape whether it doesn’t rain or if it does rain.

So everybody is saying, running around on planet earth, seemingly saying in America at least, if it just rained just right all the time we would be happy. Here’s the deal: When it rains a lot, it’s going to flood. And if it doesn’t rain too much you have a drought. Both of them are bones to be chewed.

Gee, yeah, it really is weird that anyone would "bellyache" over the fact that they have no food or that their home is filled with water! What strange things to complain about! Especially when there are real things to be concerned about, like people having sex you personally don't approve of!

He went on to explain that THE FOUNDERS would totally have hated the idea of helping out flood victims, because their getting flooded is their problem. No use in anyone else getting their powdered wigs mussed up!

But it’s my studied opinion, just from observing, our founders basically said, ‘When disasters come your way, it’s unfortunate, they do happen, but you can’t expect the United States government to start pouring in and coming down there.’

HUH. Which founder was it was who said that? Was it all of them, collectively? And where did he "study" this? And why would it be his opinion if any of them actually said anything like that? Is this just what he imagines they would have thought? Because I don't think you can do that! Also, the country was a lot smaller and had a lot less money back then, so yeah, they didn't quite have a system set up for these things just yet.

But even if they did! Is this a country or PBS Presents: 1776 House? We're supposed to live and function forever exactly as a few dudes who lived over 200 years ago thought we should? We can't help people whose homes were destroyed during a flood because the guy from Duck Dynasty thinks George Washington wouldn't have been so into that? Should I take up butter churning?

So what would THE FOUNDERS want? Robertson suggests they would think that people who get flooded should just get up and move:

What everyone needs to realize is we need to love one another enough that when you or your neighbors when they flood, we all come together, we all start cooking some meals here, looking after one another. These things, it’s the way life is. I mean, we’re not going to have the perfect temperature and the perfect amount of rainfall. So my view is, when it floods here we just move all our stuff higher and higher up the hill and if it starts coming in the house, we move it up, up, up as far as we can and then if it comes right down to it, we’re going to find ourselves another hill higher than the one we were on.

Oh hey Carol, heard you got flooded, so here is a casserole! You should be OK now! 

Perhaps, as a very rich person, Robertson is not aware of the fact that everyone does not have the disposable income to just get up and move to a "higher hill"? And that when you are poor and you lose all your things, that is a very big deal? And that not everyone can just go "Oh hey! There's bad weather here, guess I'll move to a place with better weather!" because they would need to find a job in that better place first?

OH! Or that getting flooded isn't actually a fun, whimsical time for non-rich people?

Robertson then explained that he, being smarter than all those people who got flooded, always chooses to live on land that is unlikely to be flooded, and that they shouldn't be living down by the Gulf of Mexico in the first place! Clearly, those jerks were just hoping to get flooded in order to get some of that sweet, sweet government cash.


Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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