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Rick Perry Will Freak The Crap Out of You With Zombie Movie Campaign Ad

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Here is the new trailer for the nightmare horror film about Rick Perry becoming President! It is difficult to tell what is happening, because there are no shots in this trailer longer than .024 seconds and there is A LOT OF NOISE (seriously, turn down the volume if you are watching at work), but the takeaway plot synopsis we have gleaned has Perry removing the last few shards of humanity from America's depressed masses with the sharp edge of his boot heel only to replace them with zombie droids he shouts at while they anxiously carve chalk drawings of American flags into sidewalks between bouts of disease and slave labor, without complaining. 

Eh, that is more like our "artistic interpretation" of the true meaning of this video about nothing, since it is devoid of information in the way that very endless collections of low-grade stock video clips tend to be when they are combined with the MOAR CONTRAST and MOAR DESATURATION filters that Final Cut Pro designed for people who make self-produced music videos and movie trailer mash-ups on YouTube. People have to stay busy at 3 a.m., somehow!

Dave Weigel reports that this seizure-inducing ad is the work of the media dude that Perry just stole from Tim Pawlenty's old campaign, since Tim Pawlenty is already one of the zombies, which is how things work in Texas. [Dave Weigel]

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Dame Peggington Noonington awakened in the New York Publick Librarie in a daze. She did not know what series of unfortunate events had led to this moment, but she vaguely remembered that last time this happened a passerby on 5th Avenue had transported her there, having found her on a stoop with eyes glazed over, muttering "Buk! Buk!" If we're being honest, she was choking on gin, but the well-meaning Good Samaritan took her for a woman craving classic literature, and Peggy was OK with allowing that illusion to stand.

As she stumbled toward the exit to summon her chauffeur -- Manuel, who was also her houseboy, who probably was responsible entirely for her current predicament, and would be subject to a talking-to about his derring-do as soon as Peggy's head stopped pounding -- she happened upon a display of new arrivals. "Buk! Buk!" she said. Swallowing hard, she grabbed a copy of Michelle Obama's book and went out onto the New York street without actually checking the book out.

Peggy arrived home safely, if a bit worse for the wear. She had been thinking about America's royal families a lot lately, especially the genteel women who serve as First Lady. She was particularly charmed by Melania Trump's show of wicked mischief last week, firing the deputy national security adviser without regret! Peggy remembered how fun it is to fire people and stuck a Post-it on her forehead to remind her to fire Manuel later, for leaving her destitute among the commoners at the librarie.

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Congratulations to the Dear Leader on his flawless victory in court against the media dogs at the CNN cesspool of evil. Donald Trump is a champion of the people's right to civil discourse, and he will not hesitate to slap those who hurt the dignity of the Supreme Leadership. Take it from Ri Chun-hee Sarah Huckabee Sanders:

Today the court made clear that there is no absolute First Amendment right to access the White House. In response to the court, we will temporarily reinstate the reporter's hard pass. We will also further develop rules and processes to ensure fair and orderly press conferences in the future. There must be decorum at the White House.

Leave aside for a moment the screaming irony of the Pussgrab Administration lecturing the press on decorum. Literally none of what the Huckster said here is true. Judge Timothy Kelly ordered the White House Press Office to reinstate Jim Acosta's hard pass immediately on Fifth Amendment grounds. He didn't reach the First Amendment issues of press access because he didn't have to.

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