Donate

Rick Perry's Wife Concludes Everyone Hates Him Because He Is Christian

News

Where has Rick Perry been hiding? Why does everyonehate him now? Is it for the most obvious reason that he is a weird toad who ritually tortures hair products and most often looks like he is asleep every time he tries to get a few words out in a debate? NO, WORSE: he refuses to show up on the teevee. He did only two interviews with CNBC between the last two GOP debates, on account of being a coward. And if there is exactly one kind of person that the tense crowd of teabagger Americans must fear and distrust as a rule -- right after the Muslins -- it is someone who hates teevee. (Conversely, this is why teabaggers love Herman Cain, who has been on the kable programz 999,999 times in the last two weeks.) But, eh, that sounds like a very *reasonable* explanation, which is against the Bible. Rick's wife Anita has a different, more insane take on the whole situation: Americans hate Rick Perry, it turns out, because Americans hate Jesus. 


SO LOOK, EVERYBODY. Jesus picked Rick Perry to be President, you know, the actual Jesus guy in charge of Earth, but apparently nobody reads Jesus's spam letter voter memos anymore. Therefore, GO TO HELL, sayeth Anita Perry:  "We are being brutalized by our opponents, and our own party. So much of that is, I think they look at him, because of his faith. He is the only true conservative – well, there are some true conservatives. And they’re there for good reasons. And they may feel like God called them too. But I truly feel like we are here for that purpose."

Suck it, rest of the GOP field. You're a squirmy pile of false idols, admit it.

Aaaand -- for fun -- a little more weirdness from Anita Perry, via MSNBC:

She likened Perry's decision to run to encountering a "burning bush," a reference to the Biblical story of Moses receiving a sign from God. And Anita Perry suggested that her husband's current difficulties were a "test."

"Last week, someone came up to Rick and gave him the scripture. He said Rick, I want to tell you God is testing you," she said.

Haha, that's kind of cute. God is testing Rick Perry! No, not really. It is Rick Perry who is doing the testing, to the teevee audiences, by refusing to speak to them. [Scripps/ MSNBC]

$
Donate with CC

I wasn't ready for Koko the gorilla to die. She was just 46, so still young well past the upper age limit for a gorilla, but I'll miss her. She loved cats, told mildly amusing jokes, and put up with people, so she was a lot like your weird aunt.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Donald Trump held one of his televised cabinet meetings today in which he railed about the terrible Democrats who forced the current border crisis (at a time when illegal border crossings are actually lower than usual). In what's sure to be his favorite phrase on Twitter for the next few days, Trump blamed "extremist open-border Democrats" for all the problems he brought on himself with his family separation policy, and explained that Democrats were simultaneously hurting illegal immigrants AND the rest of America by forcing Normal America to accept Central Americans who fled to the US. It made loads of sense! And then things got ... less so.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc