Right-Wingers Hate New 'Free Speech' Platform Parler, You Can't Even Own The Libs There  :(

US of America News

Conservatives have long complained about Twitter restricting their right to free speech, banning them from the site for perfectly innocuous things like directing their troll armies to tweet racist and fat-phobic crap at Leslie Jones, accusing Ilhan Omar of loving female genital mutilation and Sharia Law, and setting up rings of fake accounts. In the past week, at the urging of several prominent MAGA personalities and elected officials, over 500,000 new users have signed up for Parler, the social media app for conservatives who truly love and value free speech (wait for it).

It should be a perfect solution. Conservatives can go on there and say all of the things that Twitter won't let them say, harass other users to their hearts content, and perhaps, as a result, other social media can be less of a garbage fire. They can stop pushing for congressional hearings about supposed "social media censorship" if they have a problem. Plus, they can see principles of the free market they claim to love so very much at work.

You think they'd be happy, but they're not.

According to a Politico report, many noted MAGA personalities actually don't like the site — because all of the liberals they hate so much, the very ones who have been facilitating their "oppression" by reporting them for harassment or otherwise violating the terms of service, aren't there. And if they aren't there, who are they going to "influence"?

In fact, they're so lonely that the social media site is willing to pay any progressive with 50K or more followers $20,000 to sign up. That's so sad!

The MAGAfication problem is so bad that CEO and founder John Matze has openly begged progressive pundits to join the platform, offering a "progressive bounty" of $20,000 to any left-wing influencer with a following of 50,000 or more users on Twitter who makes an account. And with even establishment conservatives like Sens. Lindsey Graham and Mitt Romney eschewing Parler for now, Trump supporters worry that Parler's influencers will be preaching to a MAGA choir forever.

"The question is not pure engagement. The question is influence," said Will Chamberlain, the editor-in-chief of the populist magazine Human Events. "Twitter is interesting because there's so many people, prominent people, that can be influenced. Parler is not that."

Clearly, they need us more than we need them. Personally, I would be totally fine just having a nice time on social media. Frankly, there's enough diversity of thought on the Left that even if every Republican ditched Twitter for Parler, I would suffer no loss of people on the internet being mad at me. Hell, I get way more shit from Democrats over supporting things like Medicare For All and just cause terminations over at-will employment than I do from MAGA people — who are generally far more concerned with whether or not I am a witch. The shit I do get from the Right leaves a lot to be desired in terms of rigorous intellectual debate.

And, as I would say if I ever answered the endless missives I get from overly entitled men, "I have less than zero interest in 'debating' you."

Noted Pizzagate Idiot Jack Posobiec also says he misses us.

"Until those people start getting on, I think it's going to be insular," said Jack Posobiec, a MAGA personality, former Pizzagate proponent and a correspondent for the pro-Trump One America News Network. "And that's okay. People do like to be able to feel safe. People kind of feel like they're at a party right now. But the energy of Twitter comes from having different communities on it. And that that energy isn't there right now. Right now, Parler feels like a Trump rally."

Chamberlain said Parler seems like an easy-out solution to what was ultimately conservatives' biggest internet problem: their perceived censorship on the platforms with the biggest audiences.

"There are a lot of libertarian-leaning legislators who find that really appealing because they don't like the idea of using government to regulate big tech," he said. "They can say, 'Oh, look at Parler. We don't need to do anything, everybody should just move over to Parler.'" [...]

"I would love to be able to leave for Parler," said Chamberlain. "I would love to ignore Twitter, but my job isn't just getting engagement. My job is influencing public conversation, the way I see it. And I need Twitter for that."

The issue, of course, is that people don't actually want their public conversation influenced by Will Chamberlain or Jack Posobiec.

Speaking of rules. It turns out that Parler — the social media app for people who love free speech — has more of them than Twitter does. Last week, founder and CEO John Matze posted some Terms of Service on the site:

To the people complaining on Twitter about being banned on Parler. Please pay heed.

Here are the very few basic rules we need you to follow on Parler. If these are not to your liking, we apologize, but we will enforce:

— When you disagree with someone, posting pictures of your fecal matter in the comment section WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.

— Your Username cannot be obscene like CumDumpster.

— No pornography. Doesn't matter who, what, where, when or in what realm.

— We will not allow you to spam other people trying to speak with unrelated comments like "Fuck you" in every comment. It's stupid. It's pointless. Grow up.

— You cannot threaten to kill anyone in the comment section. Sorry, never going to be okay

If ever in doubt, ask yourself if you would say it on the streets of New York or national television.

Aside from the killing people thing, you can do pretty much all of those things on Twitter. Although you can't have your username be cumdumpster, as it has already been taken.


As mentioned, the site has already banned a whole bunch of people. Because of how much they love free speech.

Since the very beginning of this "social media censorship" war, the Right has vastly overestimated its appeal and how much anyone wants to spend their spare time getting pelted with racist and sexist insults all day on a social media site. If that was what people wanted, more than just the core group of MAGA devotees would flock to Parler. The free market they love so dearly would prove them right. People would agree that Parler (or Gab) was a better product and they would flee Twitter, just as they once left MySpace and Friendster and the many other social networks that have previously been supplanted by sites people liked better. Frankly, if Twitter were to give them what they want, that is probably exactly what would happen. All of the people they so desperately want access to would get up and go to a new site that did have moderation. Because no one likes a total cesspool.

The fact is, MAGA people are not selling anything anyone who isn't a MAGA person wants to buy. They need us more than we need them. They want access to us, but we do not want or need access to them. Therefore, if they want us around, they have to play by our rules. Sorry.


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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