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New Bristol Palin Memoir Tells How To Get Pregnant While Drunk

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Famous unemployed ex-pregnant person Bristol Palinreleased a "memoir" about something, we do not care what, except that she recounts how she lost her virginity to hillbilly idiot Levi Johnston while blacking out on wine coolers during a camping trip. This episode probably inspired the title of the book, called Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far. From now on, Bristol Palin is America's new mascot of Courage. What else qualifies Bristol Palin for this title?


  • Meghan McCain "ignored" Bristol when their families first met, and she complained. Bristol had to put up with this.
  • Cindy McCain was a weird "queen" towards Bristol. (Haha, Cindy McCain is actually just a man in drag? We knew that.)
  • Levi Johnston also got someone else pregnant, so Tripp has a sibling?
  • Nobody wanted Bristol Palin to win on Dancing With the Stars, because everybody in Hollywood hates Sarah Palin.

And this is what makes you a Hero in America. [ABC News]

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In 2014, Pastor Jamie Coots of the Full Gospel Tabernacle in Jesus' Name church in Middlesborough, Kentucky died from a rattlesnake bite. Was it a camping accident? Did something go terribly wrong at the zoo? No, he was handling those snakes on purpose, in order to demonstrate how super holy he was. Not holy enough, it seems,

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Once upon a time, Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers at least claimed to focus their efforts entirely on immigrants involved in criminal activity. Those days are long gone, and now they're going after anyone, including law-abiding people who are just trying to drive their pregnant wives to the hospital to give birth.

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