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Famous unemployed ex-pregnant person Bristol Palinreleased a "memoir" about something, we do not care what, except that she recounts how she lost her virginity to hillbilly idiot Levi Johnston while blacking out on wine coolers during a camping trip. This episode probably inspired the title of the book, called Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far. From now on, Bristol Palin is America's new mascot of Courage. What else qualifies Bristol Palin for this title?


  • Meghan McCain "ignored" Bristol when their families first met, and she complained. Bristol had to put up with this.
  • Cindy McCain was a weird "queen" towards Bristol. (Haha, Cindy McCain is actually just a man in drag? We knew that.)
  • Levi Johnston also got someone else pregnant, so Tripp has a sibling?
  • Nobody wanted Bristol Palin to win on Dancing With the Stars, because everybody in Hollywood hates Sarah Palin.

And this is what makes you a Hero in America. [ABC News]

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It's the night before the two-night Democratic primary debate extravaganza, and we're already tired. Turns out having 20 candidates spread across two nights when only six or eight of them matter is not the must-see TV we all thought it was going to be! But that's not to dissuade you from getting excited! We're excited! We're so excited! We're so ...

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SCARED!

In case you need a reminder, here is how it's going to go down:

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Lately he's been blowing smoke from another orifice.

After a cursory examination of the TWELVE filings in the case against California Congressman Duncan Hunter just in the past 24 hours, we can confidently declare that that guy is a fucking idiot. The prosecutors have him by every last one of his short and curlies -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to pay for hundreds of thousands of dollars of ski trips, video games, tuition, and plane tickets for the family rabbit.

A rational human being would have pleaded down a year ago and given up his congressional seat, since he could cash out and make a lot more money as a lobbyist anyway. But not Duncan Hunter! He made the federal government chase him down and document every last carton of cigarettes, round of tequila, and Uber ride of shame home from his many girlfriends' houses in a 60-count indictment filed last August. And still this dumb sumbitch refused to admit he was caught, even after his lovely wife (and co-conspirator) Margaret Hunter flipped on him this month -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to carry on multiple affairs and you piss off the US Attorneys enough that they put every 7 a.m. Uber ride in your indictment.

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