Rob Ford Bobbleheads, Jon Stewart Hates Himself And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Sep 02, 2014

Your three-day weekend is over. Back to work, everyone. Also, don't forget to not wear white. (Because it's after Labor Day, see? Get it? GET IT?)

You know you want one :
President Obama said " immigration rights ."
Time’s Zeke Miller noted that during a Labor Day address Monday in Milwaukee, Wisc., President Obama added “immigration rights” to a list that includes women’s rights, workers’ rights, civil rights, voting rights, and gay rights.
IMPEACH!
Uber, but for INDICTED Gov. Rick Perry's thoughts or something?
Gov. Rick Perry had the word “Uber” written on his hand as he addressed the Americans for Prosperity conference at the Omni Dallas Hotel on Friday.
Of course Jon Stewart hates himself , but notthatway:
“Look, there’s a lot of reasons why I hate myself — being Jewish isn’t one of them,” Stewart told the reporter. “So when someone starts throwing that around, or throwing around you’re pro-terrorist, it’s more just disappointing than anything else. I’ve made a living for 16 years criticizing certain policies that I think are not good for America. That doesn’t make me anti-American. And if I do the same with Israel, that doesn’t make me anti-Israel. You cannot outsmart dogma, no matter what you do. If there is something constructive in what they’re saying, hopefully I’m still open enough … to take it in and let it further inform my position. But I’m pretty impermeable to yelling. As soon as they go to, ‘Your real name is Leibowitz!’ that’s when I change the channel.”
If you have some extra cash laying around :
Elvis Presley's last two jets, the "Lisa Marie" and "Hound Dog II," are for sale.
The four-engine "Lisa Marie" features a queen-size bed, gold bathroom fixtures, a videotape system with four TVs and a stereo system with 52 speakers, according to an ad posted on an aviation sales website this week. [...]
The smaller "Hound Dog II" JetStar was Presley's back-up plane, flown while "Lisa Marie" was remodeled to suit Elvis' tastes, the ad said.
Check out these Watergate wannabes :
Two unnamed staffers of California GOP congressional candidate Carl DeMaio may have been responsible for a burglary at the campaign’s headquarters just before the June 3 primary, police said.
San Diego police have confirmed that a break-in did occur at the campaign’s headquarters in the Mira Mesa neighborhood of San Diego on the night of May 27 or early in the morning May 28. The burglars broke thousands of dollars of equipment, including computers and phones.
So the prime suspects in the burglary of Republican campaign headquarters are ... staffers of Republican campaign headquarters. Who wants popcorn?