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Robert Mueller's boyfriend


Thursday, in our piece about special counsel Robert Mueller using the not-debunked Steele Dossier on Trump-Russia collaboration in his investigation, Wonkette WILDLY SPECULATED that, whereas Senate Intel Committee chair GOP Senator Richard Burr said his committee has "hit a wall" in convincing British spy Christopher Steele to talk to them, we just bet he's been talking to Mueller. Our exact words, in the prescient Wonkette journalism style you know so well:

Wonder if he’s talking to Mueller, HMMMMMMMM!

The all caps HMMMMMMMM! is of course Wonkette's discreet way of saying, "Bet your ass this is happening right now." Because we are brilliant and are apparently a Robert Mueller whisperer, CNN reported this mere minutes/hours later:

Special Counsel Robert Mueller's investigators met this past summer with the former British spy whose dossier on alleged Russian efforts to aid the Trump campaign spawned months of investigations that have hobbled the Trump administration, according to two people familiar with the matter.

That's right, CALLED IT. That'll learn ya to question our wild speculating!

CNN adds that the FBI and the intelligence community have always taken the dossier more seriously than they have let on, probably because they've corroborated a lot of it, and the results are WHOA IF TRUE.

Rachel Maddow reported an interesting thing Thursday night about Senator Burr's assertion that his committee just could not get Steele to talk to them, and it is that, according to one of Steele's pals, he actually said "yes" to the committee's request. (???) This is odd:

 

MADDOW: An associate of Christopher Steele relays to us ... that there is no brick wall that Senate investigators have run up against when it comes to trying to investigate the dossier or speak with Christopher Steele. An associate of Steele tells us tonight that in fact very recently, in late September, Christopher Steele, in London, relayed to Washington, through this associate, that Mr. Steele, in fact, would be happy to meet with Senator Richard Burr and Senator Mark Warner. [...] The answer from Christopher Steele, through this associate, was "Yes! Yes I will meet with you."

"Late September" was literally a week ago. And Wednesday, Burr was up there like "Oh no, I am at a brick wall and I am washing my hair and NEW PHONE WHO DIS" about the possibility of meeting with Steele, whose pal Maddow says was under the impression that all they need to do at this point is get it on the calendar.

Is Burr sitting back and letting Mueller do his thing with Steele? We'd believe that interpretation maybe, because Senator Burr seems to take his job seriously, despite political pressure not to. On the other hand, we're slightly more likely to believe Burr really doesn't want to interview Steele, because that might lead him down a road of discovering horrible truths he just can't handle, as a dickhead member of the GOP in good standing who knows in his heart that all these Trump fuckers are dirty beyond belief. If committee vice chair Democratic Senator Mark Warner would like to enlighten us as to what his colleague is really up to, and specifically, whether or not Burr is in his own way rubbing Devin Nunes-style skidmarks all over the Trump-Russia investigation, he is cordially invited to send Wonkette a secret candygram about it.

The Daily Beast has new reporting on a different committee investigation into Trump and Russia that is apparently not even remotely an investigation into Trump and Russia, as it turns out. Surprise, it is the Senate Judiciary Committee, led by Iowa GOP Senator Chuck Grassley, a painfully stupid Trump hack who gets starbursts in his decrepit man canyon when Trump randomly calls him up and makes sweet phone sex to him about corn.

Here's Daily Beast:

A staffer for Grassley, speaking on the condition of anonymity to give his candid assessment, told The Daily Beast that the committee is instead engaged in routine oversight of the Justice Department—though under extraordinary circumstances.

Grassley’s role in the congressional probes into Russian meddling in the 2016 election has perplexed and concerned members of his own party, Republican staffers on the committee told The Daily Beast.

The probe appears to have already missed one of its own deadlines. And rather than publicly needling potential Russian meddlers, Grassley has primarily used his bully pulpit to rip an opposition-research firm and the FBI.

That is EXACTLY what Grassley has been doing, and it's been obvious from the get-go. Go back and revisit that fascinating hearing in the Judiciary Committee, where Grassley teed up the smear, which is that because the intelligence firm Fusion GPS, which commissioned Steele to do his spy research, ALSO was hired one time by Russians, then ERGO THEREFORE Q.E.D. Fusion is a tool of the Russians, which means the dossier is bullshit, which means Donald Trump shits only PATRIOTIC AMERICAN RAINBOWS, and definitely not compromised Russian rainbows.

So, to sum up: Robert Mueller and Christopher Steele are definitely boyfriends now, but Steele is willing to play on the side with Richard Burr, but Richard Burr is like "I'm watching Netflix that day," and Steele is like "We could always watch it together," but Burr is like "I'm not that kind of girl!"

Meanwhile, Chuck Grassley is refusing to do his job, and is instead off in an Iowa cornfield, giving free handjobs to corn, like he always does.

WONKETTE NEWS ANALYSIS OVER.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[CNN / Daily Beast]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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