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Did we not JUST finish writing you a post about a stupid day of testimony for Republicans on the House Judiciary Committee? We did! And it's time to do it again, because the committee is hosting Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein and FBI Director Chris Wray, so they can sit there and exchange "the fuck are we even doing here?" looks while Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan takes big dumps all over the esteemed halls of Congress and proceeds to play with them in front of the TV cameras.

The GOP congressmen are wasting their time yelling at Rod Rosenstein about all the DELICIOUS DOCUMENTS they seem to think they're entitled to see, documents related to the Trump-Russia investigation. Of course that investigation is still very much ongoing, therefore these congressmen really should go fuck themselves, but they NEED them so they can leak things to the media and whisper in Donald Trump's ear about what the feds have on him. And if they don't get the documents, they are gonna INPEACH!@!!!!!!!1!!!!


There is absolutely no need for a play-by-play of today's hearings. Instead we'll just share you a few hilarious moments when Jim Jordan really got his ass handed to him, including one where everybody in the Capitol started LAUGHING AT JIM JORDAN'S STUPID FACE, because he is a fucking idiot.

In fact, let's start with that one, because the whole internet is laughing at it and feeling sorry for the residents of Ohio's 4th district, who are being represented by this dumb yokel who repeats what he hears on "Hannity" and thinks people will take him seriously:


JORDAN: Did you threaten staffers on the the House Intelligence Committee? Media reports [Fox News - Ed.] indicate you did.

ROSENSTEIN: Media reports are mistaken.

Should've been over right there, right? Nah. Jordan doubled down like a dumb goat that had to repeat 7th grade in goat school, demanding to know what Rod Rosenstein did to that poor congressional committee:

JORDAN: Having the nation's number one law enforcement officer threaten to subpoena your calls and emails is downright chilling! Did you threaten to subpoena their calls and emails?

ROSENSTEIN: No sir, and there's no way to subpoena phone calls.

EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD: LOLOLOLOL!

And that's what happens when you barf out whatever you hear on Fox News in a room full of adults. Jim Jordan deserved that.

AND YET IT KEPT GOING! Because Jim Jordan is just reading what the media (Fox News) says, and who's he supposed to believe? Republican staffers, who would NEVER LIE, or Rod Rosenstein, who is the president of the DEEP STATE LIARS CLUB? So did Rod Rosenstein threaten to subpoena those staffers' phone calls, even though you can't subpoena phone calls? Rosenstein replied, "Thanks for making clear it's not personal, Mr. Jordan," and added, a bit angrily, "You should believe me because I'm telling the truth and I'm under oath." To which Jim Jordan replied, "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Here is a much longer exchange for you to laugh at. It is seven full minutes of Jordan accusing Rosenstein of lying and hiding information, other members of Congress intervening to say if they wanted to watch Jim Jordan jack off, they'd go to his press conference, Rod Rosenstein basically calling Jordan a TV whore, and all other sorts of general nastiness. It is your government in action!

By the way, God bless the ABC News camera person who thought it would be funny to shoot Jim Jordan with Trey Gowdy's dumb shit-haired bobblehead wobbling around the bottom left of the frame, BECAUSE IT IS SO FUNNY.

Speaking of Gowdy, here is a clip of him yelling at Rosenstein and Wray about how long the Russia investigation is taking. Yes, the same Trey Gowdy who spent approximately 100,000 years chasing squirrels as he led the House's Benghazi investigation.

We would write more about this very important committee hearing, but like we said, it's a waste of America's time, so fuck it.

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Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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