Rod Rosenstein Ready To Subpoena His Foot Up Jim Jordan's Ass

Did we not JUST finish writing you a post about a stupid day of testimony for Republicans on the House Judiciary Committee? We did! And it's time to do it again, because the committee is hosting Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein and FBI Director Chris Wray, so they can sit there and exchange "the fuck are we even doing here?" looks while Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan takes big dumps all over the esteemed halls of Congress and proceeds to play with them in front of the TV cameras.

The GOP congressmen are wasting their time yelling at Rod Rosenstein about all the DELICIOUS DOCUMENTS they seem to think they're entitled to see, documents related to the Trump-Russia investigation. Of course that investigation is still very much ongoing, therefore these congressmen really should go fuck themselves, but they NEED them so they can leak things to the media and whisper in Donald Trump's ear about what the feds have on him. And if they don't get the documents, they are gonna INPEACH!@!!!!!!!1!!!!

There is absolutely no need for a play-by-play of today's hearings. Instead we'll just share you a few hilarious moments when Jim Jordan really got his ass handed to him, including one where everybody in the Capitol started LAUGHING AT JIM JORDAN'S STUPID FACE, because he is a fucking idiot.

In fact, let's start with that one, because the whole internet is laughing at it and feeling sorry for the residents of Ohio's 4th district, who are being represented by this dumb yokel who repeats what he hears on "Hannity" and thinks people will take him seriously:

JORDAN: Did you threaten staffers on the the House Intelligence Committee? Media reports [Fox News - Ed.] indicate you did.

ROSENSTEIN: Media reports are mistaken.

Should've been over right there, right? Nah. Jordan doubled down like a dumb goat that had to repeat 7th grade in goat school, demanding to know what Rod Rosenstein did to that poor congressional committee:

JORDAN: Having the nation's number one law enforcement officer threaten to subpoena your calls and emails is downright chilling! Did you threaten to subpoena their calls and emails?

ROSENSTEIN: No sir, and there's no way to subpoena phone calls.


And that's what happens when you barf out whatever you hear on Fox News in a room full of adults. Jim Jordan deserved that.

AND YET IT KEPT GOING! Because Jim Jordan is just reading what the media (Fox News) says, and who's he supposed to believe? Republican staffers, who would NEVER LIE, or Rod Rosenstein, who is the president of the DEEP STATE LIARS CLUB? So did Rod Rosenstein threaten to subpoena those staffers' phone calls, even though you can't subpoena phone calls? Rosenstein replied, "Thanks for making clear it's not personal, Mr. Jordan," and added, a bit angrily, "You should believe me because I'm telling the truth and I'm under oath." To which Jim Jordan replied, "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Here is a much longer exchange for you to laugh at. It is seven full minutes of Jordan accusing Rosenstein of lying and hiding information, other members of Congress intervening to say if they wanted to watch Jim Jordan jack off, they'd go to his press conference, Rod Rosenstein basically calling Jordan a TV whore, and all other sorts of general nastiness. It is your government in action!

By the way, God bless the ABC News camera person who thought it would be funny to shoot Jim Jordan with Trey Gowdy's dumb shit-haired bobblehead wobbling around the bottom left of the frame, BECAUSE IT IS SO FUNNY.

Speaking of Gowdy, here is a clip of him yelling at Rosenstein and Wray about how long the Russia investigation is taking. Yes, the same Trey Gowdy who spent approximately 100,000 years chasing squirrels as he led the House's Benghazi investigation.

We would write more about this very important committee hearing, but like we said, it's a waste of America's time, so fuck it.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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