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'Romney Hood,' Then 'Obamaloney': Dumb Daily Wordplay Race Now a Dead Heat

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We're sure the fancy Madison Avenue Focus Groups have data showing that this stuff works like hot hell, but the President's brand new haymaker -- "He's Robin Hood in reverse. He's Romney Hood" -- is basically just as hackneyed as a straightforward metaphor comparing a charitable person to Robin Hood. His Super PAC has been using the same line. "Chicago" really loves this shit, huh? Sure, run with it. It's on message and the copy is marginally snappier than "He's Robin Hood in reverse. He's, you know, King John or the Sheriff of Nottingham, the story's antagonists, who necessarily represent a counter ideology of upward wealth redistribution." Your Wonkette would pass out laughing if he dropped that, but we're degenerates.


Our national errand boy, Mitt Romney, had just the right response in the tank: "And if I were to coin a term, it would be 'Obamaloney.' He's serving up a dish which is simply in contradiction with the truth." The classic American meal of baloney on a dish never tasted so bad, derpa derp. Or perhaps Romney, being weird, intended to draw a comparison between the president and Rep. Carolyn Maloney, to highlight his opposition to generic Democratic policy stances?

Yesterday was more fun.

[ABC News]

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OK everyone, hello! It was a really shitty week with Trump's BABY JAILS and whatnot, right? And we cried and we cried, but then we got MAD. Are you MAD BRO? Because this shit is not going to stand and we are more fired up than ever to make things better, to register people to vote, to pick them up in our car so they can go vote, and also all the other stuff too. BRB TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK NOW. That is how we are right now! So are you! Start by marching with Wonkette next week!

Also, please look above, as that is a picture of Wonkette toddler getting SWIMMING LESSONS. Isn't that the greatest?

OK, we are continuing our tradition of making the top ten post even shorter than ever before, because gotta get on the road and go to Nashville BRB GOING TO NASHVILLE NOW.

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Why Are You Peeing On Yourself, Donald Trump, Jr.? (ALLEGEDLY)

2. Ann Coulter's America Will Die if Baby Jails Go Away, So That's Something!

3. Yes, Trump Is Stealing Children. But You Can DO Something.

4. Baby Jails? Goddamn Motherfucking BABY JAILS?

5. Trump's 500 Days Of Bummer

6. The 987,386 Most Fucked Up Lies Our Shithead President Told This Morning

7. Happy Father's Day, Roger Stone! YOU ARE THE COLLUSION!

8. Michael Cohen Slams Baby Jails On His Way To Grownup Jail

9. Awwwww Rudy Giuliani, YOU FUCKING SCARED?

10. Trump Foundation Fuckery? WHO KNEW!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

Let's see ... anything else? Nope, BYE.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

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The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

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