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Romney Says He's 'Not Concerned About the Very Poor,' Stuns No One

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Mitt Romney, most undeserving and unexcited winner of the Florida primary since at least 2004, was utterly bored out of his skull during his victory speech in Florida Tuesday, though he at least kept up the practice of being EVIL, my friend, and took the Evil Show to a post-results chat with CNN's Soledad O'Brien. There, he proceeded to terrify Soledad and the four other people watching CNN by saying how he really feels: "I'm not concerned about the very poor." This is the real, true, unabashed, unequivocal, undeniable "I like being able to fire people" moment we have all been waiting for (yet have also gotten several other times!!!!) After making it difficult for Soledad O'Brien to know what to say/not kill herself, Romney tried to soften the blow with more terrible rich-man mumbo jumbo, and had some bossy, condescending words for Soledad, too, because she is a woman liberal woman liberal.

The evil goes well beyond the first few lines, but, well, here those are:

I'm in this race because I care about Americans. I'm not concerned about the very poor, we have a safety net there, if it needs repair I'll fix it.

But Mittbott, who is your tax plan best for again? And how do Republicans like Romney really feel about "safety nets," once they actually -- God forbid (God, are you listening? FORBID IT) -- get in office?

And er...so the "very poor" aren't Americans? Romney goes on to say,

I'm concerned about the very heart of America, the 90 to 95 percent of Americans who are struggling, and I'll continue to take that message across the nation.

HEY I FOUND THIS MESSAGE ON THE STREET, it's kind of crumpled and wet and looks like it's been used by A LOT of other Republican candidates unsuccessfully this year and every four to eight years since the beginning of time, but it's mine now, effective immediately.

The numbers, when you really look at them, make this sound just diabolical. But then we've come to expect this. Romney's talking about 46.2 million people -- the number of people living below the poverty line in 2010 -- who apparently have this lovely net that somehow hopefully allegedly magically prevents them from DYING but also probably keeps them squarely under the poverty line FOREVER. Of course, Romney and most of these other guys would prefer that safety net wasn't there at all, so people could somehow just figure out how to survive on their own (incentive!), even though 90 to 95 percent of the country, along with that 6.7 percent, is also trying to figure out how to survive. Oh, is this trickle-down economics? Or is this just 312 million Americans (minus 3.12 million Americans) all living, striving, barely surviving together, as if inside one modest-sized Tyson chicken coop?

Anyway, apparently we've got a new slogan, thanks to this inspiring, breath-of-fresh-air revolutionary of a public figure. WE ARE THE 90 TO 95 PERCENT, SOMEWHERE IN THERE, YEAH. WHATEVER, THE POOR, DO YOUR THING, NICE NET. [The Atlantic Wire]

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OK everyone, hello! It was a really shitty week with Trump's BABY JAILS and whatnot, right? And we cried and we cried, but then we got MAD. Are you MAD BRO? Because this shit is not going to stand and we are more fired up than ever to make things better, to register people to vote, to pick them up in our car so they can go vote, and also all the other stuff too. BRB TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK NOW. That is how we are right now! So are you! Start by marching with Wonkette next week!

Also, please look above, as that is a picture of Wonkette toddler getting SWIMMING LESSONS. Isn't that the greatest?

OK, we are continuing our tradition of making the top ten post even shorter than ever before, because gotta get on the road and go to Nashville BRB GOING TO NASHVILLE NOW.

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Why Are You Peeing On Yourself, Donald Trump, Jr.? (ALLEGEDLY)

2. Ann Coulter's America Will Die if Baby Jails Go Away, So That's Something!

3. Yes, Trump Is Stealing Children. But You Can DO Something.

4. Baby Jails? Goddamn Motherfucking BABY JAILS?

5. Trump's 500 Days Of Bummer

6. The 987,386 Most Fucked Up Lies Our Shithead President Told This Morning

7. Happy Father's Day, Roger Stone! YOU ARE THE COLLUSION!

8. Michael Cohen Slams Baby Jails On His Way To Grownup Jail

9. Awwwww Rudy Giuliani, YOU FUCKING SCARED?

10. Trump Foundation Fuckery? WHO KNEW!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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Yours in baby Jesus,

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The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

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