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Romney's Market-Based Solutions: Journos Must Pay To Cover His Victory Party

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Hello journalistic scum! I guess you thought you'd be able to just show up and "cover" the election-night party of one of the major-party candidates for president, seeing as it's a "newsworthy" "event." Well, too bad, suckers! Mitt Romney is a firm believer in the immutable laws of supply and demand, and he won't "supply" you with room to write about him without "demanding" some cash. Nobody gets to get into the Mittquarters unless they pay up!

Don't worry, though, plebes, there's a sliding scale:

Romney, the former Massachusetts governor who is locked in a tight race with Democratic President Barack Obama, will be holding his election night gathering at the Boston Convention and Exhibition Center, where access costs anywhere from $75 for a chair in the ballroom to $1,020 for permission to use the media filing center. Broadcast news organizations will be paying up to $6,500 for workspace.

Ha ha, we certainly hope that skinny, impoverished reporters are splitting a chair and sitting in each other's laps. And what is the socialist Obama camp doing?

Obama's campaign party will be held at McCormick Place, in Chicago, and although his campaign is charging for premiums, credentialed reporters are granted access, which includes a workstation, electrical power and a wireless Internet connection, at no cost.

Good lord, free electricity and wireless! No wonder they're going to refuse to write about how ACORN is stealing the election! We certainly hope that enough journalists have paid for Romneydome access so that we can get lots of good camera angles on his bitter, bitter tears, the first human tears he's ever cried. [Masslive]

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WHOA THERE, it is a #HotScoop about something happening that portends the wrapping up of the Robert Mueller investigation, one that we can actually believe to a point, because of how CNN seems to have some receipts for its story. (Unlike what we always hear from reporters who shall remain nameless, like Ken Dilanian from NBC News.)

CNN is reporting that "as soon as next week," new attorney general William Barr will be announcing the "completion" of the Mueller probe and that Mueller will be sending some sort of report to Barr.

And just like that, this is you right now: WHOA IF TRUE, IS IT TRUE? IS HE JUST GOING TO LEAVE LIKE THIS? BUT WE HAVEN'T EVEN SAID GOODBYE!

And this is Robert Mueller right now: bUt We HaVeN't EvEn SaId GoOdByE!!!!!!!!

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Aimee Maddonna, of Simpsonville, South Carolina, is a nice lady who wanted to take in some foster children and give them a nice home, with her, her husband and their children. Her father had been in the foster care system himself, and her parents had always brought foster children into their home as well, hoping to give those kids a better experience than he had in the system. She had hoped to continue the tradition, and went to Miracle Hill Ministries, the largest and most widely advertised foster care provider in the state, to get started. At first, Miracle Hill told her that she and her family would be a great fit for foster kids and seemed excited to have them on board.

And then they asked her what church she went to.

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