WI Sen. Ron Johnson Says Don't Worry, He Was Just Lying About Not Opposing Gay Marriage

Yesterday, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer told reporters that the Senate is going to vote in the next few weeks on codifying marriage equality in federal law, a vote that's necessary because Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, in his concurring opinion in Dobbs, pubed out all over the place about how next it's time to look at overturning marriage, and contraception, and whatever else makes Christian fascists have angry shameful palpitations in their bathing suit regions.

Ten Republicans haven't signed on yet — you know, because in upside down batshit Senate world, you have to get 60 percent of the vote to win, yee haw democracy! — but Schumer seems to feel like he can get there.

Interestingly, after the House voted on its version of the bill, with 47 House Republicans in support, Ron Johnson from Wisconsin was not on the list of senators immediately opposed. At the time, he said he saw "no reason to oppose" a bill to enshrine marriage equality in the law. And then he said "Ope!" and walked away carrying a giant block of cheese over his shoulder and nobody ever saw him again.

Just kidding, he has been seen again, because the bastard suddenly has reasons why he can't support this marriage equality bill. Very dumb bullshit religious liberty reasons. It's a well-known fact among white fascist Republicans that if anything in American life causes white fundamentalist Christians any mild discomfort, simply by existing, then it is a vicious attack on their religious freedom and must be stopped.

Listen to Johnson bitch and moan about how he only said he saw "no reason to oppose" the bill to get the media OFF HIS BACK. What is he, a senator who has to answer to the public or something?

You see, he only gave that answer because reporters were chasing him in the Capitol with their un-American questions. "You just get hounded on this crap," he said. "Just to get 'em off my backs, I wrote a press release," wherein he said he didn't see why not on this bill. (And yes, he said "backs.")

Johnson explained that he always supported civil unions, and didn't think the gays needed any more than that. We guess separate but equal should have been enough for the queers, in his estimation. But he said the Supreme Court ruled, and he considers it settled, and he is 100 percent certain they will never overturn it, because of stare decisis, and because this is different from overturning Roe, on account of reasons he may think he explained but did not actually explain.

"Completely different than Roe v. Wade. Roe v. Wade needed to be overturned to protect people in the future!"

Giant wanking motion dot gif.

But do you get it? Ron Johnson only previously said he supported the bill to "GET THEM OFF MY BACK(S)." That was why the senator from Wisconsin said that. Please note for the future that believing what Ron Johnson says is henceforth 100 percent optional, because it's always possible he's only saying a thing to GET THEM OFF MY BACK.

Johnson said after he said the thing to GET THEM OFF MY BACK, he started hearing from people very concerned about their sad stupid "religious liberty" (to hate gays). So now he and (bigot) Utah Republican Senator Mike Lee are working on a "SMOKIN' AMENDMENT to protect religious liberty" (he said that) and then maybe he can support it. But not right now.

Now can you please GET OFF HIS BACK?

Such a vile, bitter, contemptuous shitass little man.

Johnson added, in order to try to sound moderate — ooh, like a Compassionate Conservative maybe! — that he doesn't want to see a bunch of people's lives disrupted if marriage equality were to be overturned. That's mighty generous of him, isn't it? But he said he's "not happy with the Baldwins of the world" who are "opening that wound" by forcing us to talk about marriage equality again. He means out lesbian Democratic Senator Tammy Baldwin, also from Wisconsin, who is "opening that wound" by trying to protect gay people from the illegitimate partisan hack Supreme Court.

Politico reports that Baldwin and GOP Senator Susan Collins are working on an amendment to make clear that nothing in this bill will infringe upon any fundamentalist snowflakes' precious "religious liberty" to practice their meaningless religion, which as far as we can tell consists of nothing more than hating gays, hating trans people, controlling women's bodies, and scratch 'n' sniffing life-sized posters of Donald Trump before they go to bed each night. Oh, and being white.

We'll see if the eventual Baldwin/Collins amendment works for Ron Johnson, or if he's decided to punch his LGBTQ+ constituents in the face unless the Senate adopts whatever SMOKIN' AMENDMENT he and religious nutcase prick Mike Lee are cooking up.

By the way, Johnson's opponent Mandela Barnes is up in the polls these days. This is just one of a thousand million reasons to donate to make sure it stays that way when the actual vote happens in November.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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