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Some months back, we LOLed and giggle-snorted at Wisconsin GOP Senator Ron Johnson, who was having hallucinations and palpitations on Fox News over how FBI agents Peter Strzok and Lisa Page (who used to fuck but don't fuck no more) revealed in their text messages that they were in a SECRET SOCIETY! He literally thought the GOP had an "informant" who was "whistleblowing" to them about this, when it was clear to anyone with two brain cells to rub together that Strzok and Page were just bein' silly. Johnson eventually walked his claims back, admitting that it was possible Strzok and Page were joking, but the incident stuck in our mind, because WOW, THAT GUY IS DUMB AS SHIT.

Well, he's back! (From Moscow.) And he has thoughts on Russian interference in the 2016 election!


"I've been pretty upfront that the election interference — as serious as that was, and unacceptable — is not the greatest threat to our democracy," he said. "We've blown it way out of proportion — [as if it's] the greatest threat to democracy ... "

Yeah! A hostile foreign power meddling in our supposedly free and fair elections to help Donald Trump and the GOP consolidate power isn't that big a deal. It's not like they were helping the Democrats or anything, AMIRITE, SENATOR? And didn't Donald Trump just recently tweet for the five-thousandth time that he believes Vladimir Putin when he says he doesn't screw with our elections? He sure did, and he's the president, whose words shall not be questioned!

This is of course at odds with the bipartisan conclusion of the Senate Intelligence Committee, which co-signed the intelligence community's assessment that Russia fucked us and fucked us hard, in order to help Trump. (They co-signed that assessment the same day Ron Johnson and his buddies went to Moscow, for the Fourth of July, did we mention that yet?)

Johnson said more about Russia's meddling and how it is NBD in an interview Monday:

"We've had briefings on this — it's very difficult to really meddle in our elections. It just is. These are locally run, it's almost impossible to change the vote tally. My concern would be violating the voter files, but we have those issues anyway and there are plenty of controls on that," he said.

Oh, well nothing to see here, we guess! Except for how we learned in February that Russia very much did violate voter files. They targeted 21 states (or maybe 39! who can even say!), and successfully got in to "an exceptionally small number" of them. Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania? What about Florida? DO NOT ASK THAT QUESTION, as Ron Johnson says we have nothing to worry about.

Know what Johnson was doing in the weeks just prior to that report on Russia's successful penetration of our voting systems? Bitching about fake-ass FBI "secret societies" on Fox News.

In case we forgot to mention, Johnson was one of the complicit fuckmouth GOP senators who decided to eschew fireworks and American flag cakes for the 4th of July this year, so he could instead spend the holiday in Moscow, where the real seat of American power is now. Hey, if the president of the United States is going to be a full-fledged asset of Russian intelligence, might as well get to know the real president, right? Access is access, y'all.

Other GOP senators weren't quite so rosy about Russia's meddling, though, swearing up and down that they really got up in those Russians' faces about it during their 4th of July slumber party. And when the Russians responded by denying they meddled in our election, those GOP senators really gave them the business, we bet!

Johnson also says we really should look at doing Russian sanctions differently, because of course he does. On one point, we agree with him, and it is that we should target Vladimir Putin's oligarchs much harder than we already do. That's where the money and the power in Russia is, and we agree that sanctions that hurt regular old Russian moms and pops are counterproductive. It's weird, though, that he's saying that, considering how the GOP 4th of July delegation to Moscow definitely Netflix 'n' Chillaxed with sanctioned Russian government individuals. Are those the Russian moms and pops Johnson is worried are being unduly stressed by America's big mean Russian sanctions? Somebody should ask him.

Anyway, Ron Johnson is a fucking idiot and Chuck Grassley needs to step up his obstruction of justice game if he wants to reclaim the title of Dumbest GOP Senator With Head Stuck Furthest Up Russia's Ass.

We are 100% sure he is up to the challenge.

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[Washington Examiner / Roll Call]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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