Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, Sean Penn Wrote Some Bullshit About #MeToo
There are maybe five living non-teenagers in the world who have any business writing poetry. Sean Penn is not one of them.
In case you were not aware, Jeff Spicoli has written a novel. It is called Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff, and it is reportedly very, very bad. Included in this novel is a poem about the #MeToo movement. It is a very, very bad poem.
And it RHYMES.
Though warrior women
Bravely walk the walk,
Derivatives of disproportion
Draw heinous hypocrites
To their flock.
Where did all the laughs go?
Are you out there, Louis C.K.?
Once crucial conversations
Kept us on our toes;
Was it really in our interest
To trample Charlie Rose?
And what’s with this ‘Me Too’?
This infantilizing term of the day...
Is this a toddler’s crusade?
Reducing rape, slut-shaming, and suffrage to reckless child’s play?
A platform for accusation impunity?
Due process has lost its sheen?
But, fuck it, what me worry?
I’m a hero,
To Time Magazine!
Not since The Tay Bridge Disaster have we seen such eloquent prose! Not since Charles Bukowski have we seen such virulent misogyny!
Clearly, if these women were mature and not "toddlers," they wouldn't have said anything! They would have thought to themselves, "I am just going to keep quiet about Louis CK masturbating in front of me, because I don't want to ruin his comedy for Sean Penn."
The irony here is that Sean Penn is pretty much the poster boy for accusations of being shitty to women not exactly being enough to ruin one's life or career. For years, he has been dogged by the rumor that he once tied Madonna up for nine hours with electrical tape and a lamp cord and beat her. He denies it, Madonna denies it, and it's likely we'll never really know what happened. I certainly won't say I do. The most we know for sure is that she did file a police report, which has since been lost. We know that he threatened to cut all of her hair off, as both of them have admitted to that. And that's pretty fucked up on its own! But if mere accusations were met with such impunity, he probably would not have much of a career these days, now would he?
But he does. And Louis CK will probably have one again. Rumor is that he's already starting to come out of hiding and plan for his comeback.
Not to get too deep here -- but what this is is a terrible poem about the fetishization of female selflessness and sacrifice. Penn is not angry at these women for saying things that are not true -- because they are true -- but rather for not "taking one for the team" and just shutting up about being sexually harassed so he can enjoy his comedy and news programs guilt-free. Not only did these harlots commit the sin of disrupting the natural order of things by rejecting their feminine duty to selflessness, they then had the gall to compound it by getting something "selfish" out of it -- being honored by Time Magazine.
I'd like to issue a plea to Sean Penn to do some self-searching, and really consider whether or not he has a right to get mad at women for not wanting Louis CK to masturbate in front of them. Seeing as how that is unlikely, maybe he could just stop writing poems?
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse