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Roy Moore is a Man of God™. A holy man, who walks humbly with the Lord and erects giant graven images of His Word on public property to bring the sinners back to Jesus. Brothers and Sisters, Roy Moore knows the Ten Commandments. And he knows that Our Heavenly Father never said anything about the IRS. Did the Holy Spirit ever speak of Form 990 Return of Organization Exempt From Income Tax? HE DID NOT!


Soon you'll hear the devil-possessed heathens speak ill of Roy Moore. They'll try to tell you this warrior for Jesus broke the laws of man. Don't you believe it! Cast out that evil spirit, and know that he who donates to Roy Moore's Senate campaign will find favor with the Almighty and prosper all his days. Amen.

JK! LOLOLOLOL!!!

Y'all, Roy Moore is in a heap of shit! Two weeks ago, we told you about some odd discrepancies between Judge Roy's Senate financial disclosures and his ethics report to the State of Alabama. Roy and the Missus were both on the payroll for his Foundation for Moral Life charity (FML!), but the charity's tax forms didn't really jive with Moore's financial statements. And when asked why the charity was two years behind on its tax returns, a spokeswoman told AL.com,

“The accountant that normally does our tax returns has been sick and almost died,” said [Kayla Moore’s assistant]. “He has since spoken with the IRS and the missing 2015 return will be filed in the next few days. And we have an extension on the 2016 return.”

Which is exactly how it goes with the IRS and not at all suspicious.

Hmmmmmmm, we said to ourselves in the Seekrit Chat Cave, the next shoe to drop on this one is going to be EPIC. Well, that shoe is here, and it's big enough for us to get all our feet in at once, if we were into that kind of thing. The Washington Post broke the story today.

When the IRS closes a door, God opens a window!

Our tale begins in 2003 when Chief Justice Godbotherer was fighting a federal order to remove a 2.6-ton statue of the Ten Commandments from the Alabama Supreme Court building. Eventually, the 170lb Judge was removed along with his giant hunk of Biblestone. But before that happened, Moore's apostles raised a pile of money for the Roy Moore Legal Defense Fund.

Unfortunately, the IRS declined to subsidize the Judge's defense by recognizing the fund as a tax-exempt charity. But Roy is a wily one, so he grabbed the IRS application, crossed out his own name, and wrote JESUS!

We're not defending Roy Moore, he shouted. WE'RE DEFENDING JESUS! And the IRS said, "Good enough for us." The charity renamed itself The Foundation for Moral Law, and Roy Moore went back to hitting up suckers for money to publicize his two failed bids to become governor of Alabama.

And Roy Moore looked at what He had made, and it was good.

In the beginning, the FML was like a Garden of Eden. Donations were rolling in, Judge Roy was in demand as a speaker, and the FML bought a historic building in downtown Montgomery for $546,000 as a base for its charitable works. The charity was even able to provide a paycheck for Moore's wife and two of his children, including Caleb Moore, the one with the ... issues. As for Moore himself, the FML board decided they ought to buy him health insurance and VIP-level bodyguards.

“Judge was traveling the country speaking. He needed protection due to threats,” Kayla Moore said in her statement to The Post.

Calls her husband Judge, which is TOTALLY NORMAL.

"Judge" also needed to be protected from want, which is why the board of the FML decided to pay him $180,000 in exchange for a contribution of 20 hours a week to the charity's Godly mission. The Lord works in mysterious ways, however, and it came to pass that the FML didn't always have the cash on hand to pay Judge Moore the $180,000. But Roy Moore is a generous man of God, so he agreed to take a pay cut to promote The Lord's work.

Oh, we are so silly today! No, Roy Moore didn't give up a cent. He took an IOU from his own charity, which is why the FML's tax return never reflected the $180,000 in annual compensation.

The charity’s descriptions on public documents of its payments to Moore varied greatly. In some years, including 2007, he was described as an outside legal contractor, tax filings show, and in others he was paid as president. His reported compensation ranged from $55,392 to $105,500 — and not until 2012 did the figure match the $180,000 the board had agreed to pay him.

Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. (Luke 6:31-36)

The Bible speaks of seven fat years, but by 2011, the lean years had descended on the FML. Donations were down, and demand for Judge Moore's inspirational speeches was in decline. So the FML board came up with a nifty trick to render unto Roy what was Roy's. They gave him a mortgage on the FML office building in Montgomery.

When the charity couldn’t afford the full amount, Moore in 2012 was given a promissory note for back pay eventually worth $540,000 or an equal stake of the charity’s most valuable asset, a historic building in Montgomery, Ala., mortgage records show. He holds that note even now, a charity official said.

Now you may be wondering if this kind of deferred compensation is normal, or even legal. And the answer is ... maybe. But failing to mention your unorthodox arrangement to Uncle Sam is decidedly un-kosher.

Moore’s full $180,000 compensation should have been disclosed each year, whether it was paid to him or accumulated as debt, said Marcus Owens, who led the tax-exempt organizations division at the IRS from 1990 to 1999.

“The treatment of the payments to him really is quite irregular,” Owens said.

The FML did finally come clean to the IRS about its special payment plan, but see if you can spot anything strange about the timing.

The back-pay arrangement was not disclosed to the IRS on annual tax filings until Nov. 14, 2012, one week after Moore won an election to return to Alabama’s Supreme Court.

UH HUH.

And if you're wondering what differentiates the FML from a slush fund to benefit Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore and his family, congratulations on being a financial supersleuth! You might have a future with the IRS, which is asking the same thing.

In February this year, the IRS concluded its audit of the charity’s 2013 finances, according to the documents provided to The Post. The IRS identified problems that it said could threaten the group’s tax-exempt status if not resolved.

The IRS wrote that the charity “did not identify its special fundraising activities.” It also found that the group’s tax filings contained figures that “did not reflect those recorded on your books of account.” The document does not detail the activities or figures at issue.

Yes, there are a lot of questions! Such as, what income did Roy Moore report from the FML on his personal returns? And what might those 2015 and 2016 returns reveal, when the FML gets around to filing them "in the next few days"? And was there a pick up in donations to the FML since Moore declared his candidacy? And who might those big donors be?

AND HOW THE HELL DID ROY MOORE THINK HE WAS GOING TO RUN FOR SENATE WITHOUT ALL THIS SHIT COMING OUT?

Guess we'll have to wait for the next shoe to drop. Bet it'll be a doozy!

[The Washington Post / AL.com]

Please render unto Wonkette what is Wonkette's. You know you want to.

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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