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Can't believe we're making you watch this godawful video again! Say it with us now ...

ONE OF OUR ATTORNEYS IS A JOOOOOOOO!!!

Nope not that JOO ATTORNEY, although you can be forgiven for thinking so, since he is Jewish and he did represent Roy and Kayla Moore's charming son Caleb on one of his many adventures with law enforcement. But no! Yesterday the lovely Mrs. Moore set the record straight. She was referring to Martin Wishnatsky, a "Messianic Jew" who "writes legal briefs" for the Moores' scam charity. Oy oy oy! It's a lot to unpack.

In 1977, Wishnatsky's Jewish mother was living the dream. Her son had gotten his PhD from Harvard and was working on Wall Street. Okay, so he wasn't married yet. Maybe he just needed to be set up with Mrs. Schlisselbaum's daughter? If only she'd mentioned it at mah jongg, maybe this whole thing could have been avoided. Instead Marty went and met a long-haired religious freak on the beach in Hawaii. Since then, all day long it's Jesus Jesus Jesus! First he joined the Mormons, then he became an evangelical Protestant, and by 1990, he was a full-time anti-abortion protestor in North Dakota! He even spent 18 months in jail for blocking clinics. Vey iz mir!

Poor Mama Wishnatsky, you're probably saying. What are the mah jongg ladies whispering when she goes to the kitchen for more bridge mix? And also, DOESN'T THAT MEAN THAT THIS GUY ISN'T A JEW?

You're both. You're a Jewish person that's accepted Christ. Jesus was a Jew. Most Jews are not religious. That's how I grew up. There are the Orthodox who are very serious about Judaism. It's about whether you think God is real, and whether you're accountable to him. It's whether you take God seriously. It took me quite a few years to take God seriously.

Nice try, Wish! But no, you no longer bat for the J Team. Bye, Menachem!

Wishnatsky seems to have bounced around doing missionary work and writing his masterpiece on leaving Mormonism for 15 years. Eventually he washed up on the shores of Liberty University's law school, where he received his JD in 2012 at the ripe old age of 68. Wishnatsky then went on to clerk for Judge Moore in Alabama, until he stopped being a judge and became a full-time grifter in 2016.

One of these things is not like the others.

In theory, Wishnatsky writes amicus briefs for Moore's Foundation for Moral Law. Although we were unable to find his name on any of their recent briefs, and it's unclear if he's even licensed to practice law in the State of Alabama.

In short, Martin Wishnatsky may or may not be one of the Moores' House Lawyers. But he ain't no Jew. And as for Kayla Moore's claim that, "We have very close friends that are Jewish and rabbis, and we also fellowship with them.” Well, Southern Jewish Living Magazine found them!

This publication confirmed on Dec. 14 that when Kayla Moore referred to “rabbis,” she was speaking of the current and former leaders of Beth Hallel, a “messianic” congregation in Birmingham. No Jewish group recognizes the “messianic” movement as part of Judaism.

LULZ! They're not real Jews either! Kayla Moore is lying liar, 1980s bleach-blond perm on fire! What a shame Mrs. Moore won't be fellowshipping with her fellow lying Republicans in our nation's capital!

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[AL.comSouthern Jewish Living / WaPo]

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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