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MAY GOD OUR FATHER PAINT THIS COUNTRY RED WITH THE BLOOD OF JESUS! So sayeth Lynda Blanchard, President Trump's nominee for ambassador to Slovenia. NBC has a story today on Blanchard and the rest of the inaugural committee donors whose nominations to represent US America to the hottentots are stalled in the Senate for the inelegant reason that they're TOO STUPID. There's knowing in the abstract that Trump is selling off our diplomatic corps to any dickhead with a checkbook, and there's knowing that the guy he wants to send to the Bahamas thinks that nation is actually a US protectorate.

Look, before you get yer panties in a bunch, just remember that California real estate developer Doug Manchester was smart enough to give $1,000,000 to Trump's inauguration. So, like, he may not know anything about geography or history, but he's got enough to sense to pick a winner!

Yeah, it's going to be one of THOSE articles.


Together with her husband, the lovely Mrs. Blanchard of the RED BLOOD OF JESUS gave $553,500 to Trump's inauguration. In January of 2018, the pair forked over $250,000 to Trump's re-election PAC. And five months later, Mrs. B was nominated to the Slovenian ambassadorship. Praise His holy name!

Strangely, the full Senate has not yet gotten around to voting on Your Crazy Aunt.

Many articles [Blanchard] shared on her Facebook page in 2016 were from now-defunct sites that peddled false stories about Democratic politicians. She shared a link to an article titled, "The Clinton 'Body Count' EXPANDS – 5 Mysterious DEATHS in the Last 6 Weeks," pushing a baseless decades-old conspiracy theory that alleges Bill and Hillary Clinton murdered former friends and enemies.

She shared "WATCH: Jaws Drop When Lib CNN Host Betrays Hillary With Shock Message on Live TV," an article which has since been taken down from the far-right Conservative Tribune, a website known for false news, for failing to meet its "editorial standards."

As ranking member of the Foreign Relations Committee, Senator Bob Menendez can block a diplomatic nominee from getting a vote, as can any individual senator once the nominee gets out of committee. And Mitch McConnell is far too busy ramming through judges to care whether some car dealer from Michigan becomes ambassador to Morocco, even if he did give $250,000 to the Trump inaugural committee. So Iceland will have to make do without a dermatologist from Los Angeles, and Jamaica will have to soldier on without an electrical supply magnate from Arizona. Stay strong, Not America!

Many Trump donors have been confirmed, however. There's Trump's bankruptcy lawyer David Friedman, whose firm donated $300,000 to the inauguration. Despite (or perhaps because of) his vocal opposition to Palestinian statehood and vilification of liberal American Jews, Friedman now represents the US to all the occupants of Israel, Gaza, and the West Bank. And who could forget Kelly "Both Sides of the Science" Kraft -- our current ambassador to Canada and maybe one day Nikki Haley's replacement at the UN! She and her husband chipped in a million dollars for Trump's inauguration.

She may not understand climate change, but she sure knows how the game is played.

Then there's Robert "Woody" Johnson IV, who also donated $1 million to the inauguration.

Like Trump, Johnson has starred in a reality television show — about being the U.S. ambassador in London. It aired on a UK television network and was promoted as offering an "unprecedented access to the American embassy, providing a behind-the-scenes view of diplomacy in the age of Trump."

media3.giphy.com

Now we know what you haters are thinking! But SHUT UP, because the United Arab Emirates is practically begging for a construction company owner from Detroit to come and fix everything. Especially when that guy gave $250,000 to the president's inauguration.

A senior Senate staffer said, "One would argue that, given the sensitivities with some of those countries right now, having a political (appointee) with a more direct connection to the president would actually help that relationship, rather than a career foreign service officer who has no connection to the president. "

ONE might argue that, we guess, if one were a brazen liar paid to give cover to any filthy corruption that the White House craps out on a given day. But not in any other circumstances.

Does it seem like these contributions are weirdly high? Well that's because in the past, politicians have capped donations to their inaugurations to avoid the appearance of impropriety. But Trump put out his hands and let the money roll down like manna from heaven. And that worked out GREAT.

Hey, remember that funny time when Trump accused Hillary Clinton of playing favorites to people who gave money to her foundation to buy bed nets and AIDS medicine for kids in Africa? OH, WE ARE LOLLING SO HARD WE CAN'T EVEN TYPE ANY MORE RIGHT NOW.

[NBC]

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