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Rudy Giuliani may be a terrible lawyer and a raving lunatic to boot, but he does make for some great television! Last night the Washington Post published a ticktock of Rudy bigfooting the State Department and convincing Trump to go all in on the Ukrainium One smear. What looked to us -- and the Ukrainians -- like Trump dodging President Zelenskiy was actually Trump's own staff trying desperately to stop him from incriminating himself with solicitations to the Ukrainian government to help smear Joe Biden. And then the dumb bastard went out and did it anyway. WOMP WOMP.

"Rudy — he did all of this," a source told the Post. "This shitshow that we're in — it's him injecting himself into the process."

Rudy responded by phoning up the Daily Beast to discuss the one million conversations he had with the State Department about his "mission" to Ukraine. Mike Pompeo, call your lawyer.


And then it was time to go scream "SHUT UP YOU MORON!" on national television. As one does!

Apparently, Rudy is mad at liberal commentator Chris Hahn for making mean words about His Excellency the Mayor. And he's mad at Democratic Senator Chris Murphy who should be impeached because "he told the president of the Ukraine that if he cooperates with president they'll cut off aid. That's a quid pro quo. That's threatening." Also the New York Times is getting impeached for being "totally corrupt" and not covering the Ukrainium One smear, although Ken Vogel appears not to have gotten that memo. And anyone who says that Rudy was a freelancing lunatic who steered his non-paying client Donald Trump off a cliff is a damn dirty liar. He was working hand-in-glove with the State Department. Look, here's his locked phone which is SCIENCE PROOF.

Can we get a little George Soros up in here, you know, for old times' sake?

GIULIANI: Why am I doing it Laura, can't you figure it out? I'm his defense lawyer. I'm defending him. He's my client. I don't know, only Donald Trump is not entitled to a defense in America.

INGRAHAM: But how are you defending him by investigating Biden? Just spell it out for us.

GIULIANI: Because one of the things that the prosecutor that Biden had fired and then the prosecutor that Biden had put in, one of the things they did was to dismiss a case against an organization that was collecting false information about Donald Trump, about Paul Manafort, and feeding it to the Democratic National Committee. That organization that was run by George Soros, who then hired the crooked FBI agent who is now working for George Soros. Laura, this stinks!

So, like, none of that happened. NONE OF IT. But it does dovetail nicely with a fun part of the aforementioned WaPo story:

Though she was widely respected in the national security community for her efforts to prod Ukraine to take on corruption, Giuliani targeted [US ambassador to Ukraine Marie] Yovanovitch with wild accusations including that she played a secret role in exposing Manafort and was part of a conspiracy orchestrated by the liberal financier George Soros.

"She should be part of the investigation as part of the collusion," Giuliani said in a recent interview with The Washington Post, adding that "she is now working for Soros." Yovanovitch is still employed by the State Department and is a fellow at Georgetown University. She declined to comment.

But wait, there's more! Because Rudy, who clearly sleeps on the sofa in the Fox green room, was back with the Kurvy Kouch Koffee Klatch this morning. Were you thinking he'd have sobered up after the last night's hijinks? Nope!

So to recap, Giuliani suggests that Joe Biden got his son the job with the Ukrainian oligarch, that Obama had an obligation to fire Biden if he didn't like where his adult son was working, and that he got the transcript of Trump's phone call with the Ukrainian president before Congress.

THIS IS THE REAL "TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME." These lunatics have been sniffing their own farts in the Fox News bubble for so long that they think this Biden smear that Peter Schweizer pulled out of his ass is real, and they actually believe those bullshit polls Fox feeds them saying Democrats won't touch Trump because he's so amazingly popular and well-loved. What the fuck even is this?

And now Rudy's about to be subpoenaed to testify in the House. He might well try to claim attorney-client privilege, although he clearly waived it by flapping his dentures on live television for fifty hours about his work for Trump. But more likely Rudy, who is under the mistaken impression that he is always the smartest guy in the room, will belly up to the bar witness stand and start confessing to all the crimes. Because he thinks America is Fox News!

AND IT'S NOT. But that hearing will certainly make for some excellent television.

[WaPo / DB]

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