Rudy Giuliani Could Be President Of 9/11 If He Wasn't Gay Married To Immigrant Abortions

Rudy Giuliani stopped by the Fox News derp emporium to talk about 9/11 violence in Baltimore, and host Neil Cavuto just wanted to know "Why not you?" for president of America, instead of all these other rinky dink has-beens? Well, the answer is simple: Rudy Giuliani WOULD be a great Republican president, except for how he loves gays, abortion and foreigns so much, which won't fly with the wingnut GOP base:

I believe I can’t get nominated because of my views on gay marriage, I’m in favor of gay rights, I’m in favor of gay marriage. I see it as an issue of equality. I’m pro-choice. I’m anti-abortion personally but I’m pro-choice. And I’m pro-immigrant and haven’t backed down from it.

Giuliani also says he doesn't need to run for president because the 2016 GOP field is SO GOOD. He even compares the candidates to Willie Mayes, Mickey Mantle and Duke Snider, who are all historical baseball figures, for the non-sportsballers out there.

Is Giuliani correct, or is he wrong and dumb? Let's say BOTH. He is totally right that the GOP base is a meth stew of anti-gay bigots, womb-controlling creeps, and xenophobic zealots. But come on, America has so many other reasons to hate Rudy Giuliani. Like these reasons:

[contextly_sidebar id="tBUi9T801yhbcz3YM1uBoKGQNaKdwYmc"]

Four examples is enough, right? Because all patriotic Americans hate Rudy Giuliani for something or other, but mostly because he was SO GREAT during 9/11, and then proceeded to act as if that gave him a free pass to be a fucking dick about everything else in life, including how awesome he was, on 9/11.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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