Rudy McNoFriends Ain't Got No Friends :(
Sure, we talked the other day about how Rudy Giuliani, Cyber Expert, is so bad at computer that hackers are using the accidental links he makes on Twitter to put coronavirus butt herpes on other people's computers. But when's the last time we talked about Rudy's loneliness?
January. That's when.
Last time, he was lonely because Congress wouldn't even tickle him with a subpoena, all they wanted was John Bolton, he's so hot right now, what's John Bolton got that Rudy ain't got? (Mustache rides.)
And now Roodles the Clown has gone and accidentally told a reporter how lonely he is, after he thought he got off the phone, but he didn't actually get off the phone, because Rudy is so bad at technology he doesn't know how to hang up his iPhone, we guess. Hey, at least it wasn't a butt-dial this time! (Not that this is better or less embarrassing.)
The former New York mayor forgot to hang up on a Daily News reporter Wednesday and, thinking he was off the line, started trash-talking ex-Gov. George Pataki while complaining he only has "five friends left."
Rudy is trash-talking Pataki because Pataki has a new book what says that after 9/11, when Pataki was governor, Rudy secretly tried to get him to change the rules and let him be Mayor of a Noun, a Verb and 9/11 foreeeeeeever, or least longer than the next election, which was later that year.
Giuliani, while he was still intentionally talking to the New York Daily News reporter, said he totally thought about asking Pataki to cancel the election, but he didn't actually ask him.
But then after he thought he hung up but didn't hang up, he started whining to some dude "Tony" about how Pataki is a big liar, and then said the heartbreaking thing about how he only has "five friends left." (When we say "heartbreaking," we are snidely saying we don't care, bless his heart.)
But anyway, and LOL, how many of Rudy's "five friends left" will end up in prison? Like, we are guessing one of Rudy's "friends" is Donald Trump, who very well might end up in prison one day. Another one, maybe, is the half of the chucklefuck team who isn't Lev Parnas, AKA Igor Fruman, who's under indictment by the Southern District of New York. Who are Rudy's three other friends, and are they indicted yet?
Oh well, Rudy's problem, not our problem, Rudy's sadness, not our sadness.
More on that little "I would like you to do us a favor, though" thing Giuliani asked Pataki for, from Pataki's book:
Pataki writes that his "mind raced" as he told himself, "Are you really, right now, after a terror attack on our state, our city, asking me to just cancel the entire election? I am a conservative. We respect the law. For God's sake, you're a prosecutor! You know the law."
But instead of saying anything out loud, Pataki stayed silent as Giuliani, now one of President Trump's personal lawyers, continued talking.
"Governor, you have the power to change the city charter to allow for me, as mayor in this time of crisis, to have an extended term," he said.
Hmmmmm. Trying to use a crisis to stay in office and cancel an election. This guy is the personal lawyer to the current crime-spreeing tyrant-in-chief. Hmmmmmmmmmm.
We are just saying, not that we think that might become relevant later this year or anything. Surely not.
Anyway, the point is that nobody loves Rudy, everybody hates Rudy, guess he should just go somewhere and cry a lot by himself.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!
Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.