Rudy's Dumb Kid Gonna Challenge NY Gov Andrew Cuomo, You Bet
This is not an endorsement of New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, who is gross and should GTFO.
He is also the luckiest sumbitch east of the Mississippi. To wit, guess whose dumb, dough-faced kid just announced a plan to challenge Cuomo next year. Here's a hint: He's got an in with landscapers who can host one hell of a press conference in the parking lot between a crematorium and a porn shop.
That's right, baby, Rudy's stupid son Andrew Giuliani thinks he's going to be the next governor of New York state.
"I plan to run," he told Washington Examiner's "Secrets" columnist Paul Bedard.
"Outside of anybody named Trump, I think I have the best chance to win and take the state back, and I think there's an opportunity in 2022 with a wounded Democratic candidate, whether it's going to be Gov. Cuomo, whether it's going to be a radical Letitia James, whether it's going to be a no-name lieutenant governor, I think there's a very, very real chance to win."
Apart from being Rudy's obnoxious kid, Andrew Giuliani's major professional accomplishment was a short-lived stint as a professional golfer. He served as "sports liaison" for the Trump White House, and played golf a lot with the former president, which launched him into his current career as a Newsmax commentator.
Or as the Examiner puts it, "While he has no elected experience, he has been part of his family's political business for years, a training that has produced several successful candidates, notably former President George W. Bush, a former Texas governor." Which may leave out one or two tiny little intermediate steps. Like the fact that George H.W. Bush actually won his presidential bid. (Once, anyway.) Or that the Bush family had multiple generations of political influence and government service, not just three terms as mayor of NYC. Or that George W. Bush, whatever else you can say about him ... just kidding.
Shit, before Rudy became a laughingstock disgrace, he actually went to law school and became a federal prosecutor. Andrew Giuliani's claim to fame appears to be suing Duke University for breach of contract after getting booted off the golf team for being such a raging asshole. Guess how that one worked out.
Nevertheless, the Examiner predicts "a Titanic battle of New York families," which is probably a good sign that Giuliani and his backers should seek a second opinion before embarking on this venture.
And not from his father's stupid sycophants, either. The article touts endorsements from former New York City Police Commissioner Bernie Kerik, recent recipient of a pardon for those eight felony tax and false statement charges he copped to in 2009. It also quotes Boris Epshteyn, who toggled between posts at the Trump White House and Sinclair broadcasting. And if you can't trust those two upstanding straight shooters, who can ya trust?
Even his boss at Newsmax was only tepid on Giuliani's gubernatorial run.
While only 35 years old, the former golf executive has been described as unusually smart and diplomatic. He recently joined Newsmax as a political commentator, and Newsmax CEO Chris Ruddy said, "Andrew is a bright and articulate young conservative, and we're glad he's part of the Newsmax lineup."
Perhaps the younger Giuliani should take a page from another famous New Yorker, who sagely opined that one should "never get high on your own supply." Especially when you're hustling that GOP crack in a state that seems to have little appetite for it.
But the kid is giving it the old college try.
"New York is going to be one of two states over the last decade to lose population. It just shows how terribly Cuomo has run the state into the ground, and the truth is the Assembly and state Senate is to blame as well. It's a combination of bail reform, increased taxes, and plummeting quality of life. So I think people will have to determine whether I am, you know, Giuliani 2.0 or whether I'm a new thing. I look forward to making my case and letting New Yorkers determine that for themselves," he said.
Unfortunately that college is Liars State.
No doubt Gov. Cuomo is thanking heaven for this Easter miracle.
He is His odds have risen.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.