Russia Attacking US Diplomats In Cuba With Sharks With Freaking LASER BEAMS


Russia, if you're listening, STOP FUCKING ATTACKING US!

Over the past 18 months, 26 US government workers in Cuba suffered neurological damage from a clandestinely deployed microwave or electromagnetic weapon. After exposure in their homes and at the embassy, the affected personnel were diagnosed with hearing loss, cognitive damage and visual problems, and some reported hallucinating strange sounds.

CIA and FBI investigators originally focused on the Cuban government, but NBC reports that intelligence agencies now consider Russia to be the primary suspect.

The suspicion that Russia is likely behind the alleged attacks is backed up by evidence from communications intercepts, known in the spy world as signals intelligence, amassed during a lengthy and ongoing investigation involving the FBI, the CIA and other U.S. agencies. The officials declined to elaborate on the nature of the intelligence.

The evidence is not yet conclusive enough, however, for the U.S. to formally assign blame to Moscow for incidents that started in late 2016 and have continued in 2018, causing a major rupture in U.S.-Cuba relations.

But why would our Russian pals do a thing like that? Especially now that we have a manly stud in the White House and are finally getting the respect our great nation deserves?

The precise motive remains unclear, but the incidents have driven a wedge between the U.S. and Cuba that has led Washington to remove most of its diplomats and spies from the island. Early in the investigation, senior U.S. officials raised the possibility the illnesses were unintended consequences of some new spying technology. But the fact the incidents continued long after they became publicly known has cast doubt on the possibility that the damage was accidental.

So Vladimir Putin is trying to restart the Cold War, and we just so happen to suffer an attack that throws a wrench in warming US-Cuban relations? UH HUH.

Luckily, the Trump Administration has dispatched its wiliest negotiator to discuss energy sanctions in Moscow this week.

Oh, shit.

Meanwhile, the entire Republican party is lying supine, begging for a bellyrub from the dictator of a tottering petro-oligarchy. Rand Paul's taking to the links with Trump to lobby against sanctions and in favor of allowing a Russian veto on NATO expansion (WTF?!?!?), GOP Senators are traveling to Moscow over the July 4 break, and the entire party is coalescing behind the position that collusion is good, we guess.


The State Department and Director of National Intelligence are not confirming the story, but NBC cites five sources who describe Russia as the primary suspect. Surely, the Trump Administration will take these threats seriously.

Yeah, we're screwed. YOU SHOULD VOTE IN NOVEMBER.

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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