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Sergey turn his smile upside down these days :(


Sergey Kisylak, Russian ambassador to American pig nation, is to be shedding a tear right now. Gone are the days when American comrades of Russian intelligence asset Donald Trump would visit Sergey and call him on telephone and say, "Hello, my old pal Sergey! Your belly is full of jelly like mythological fat man Santa Claus! Would you like to make sweet, wet espionage to me?" Sergey misses American traitor friends like Michael Flynn and Jeff Sessions and the tall one with the magic dimples who is always to be, how you say in American, eh ... CANOODLING with Czarina Ivanka! Sergey knows they miss him too, because latest dead drop envelopes have been stained with tears that cry out, "SERGEY! I ACHE FOR YOU!"

Unfortunately the eh ... FAILING NEW YORK TIMES and the eh ... FAKE NEWS CNN and eh ... LESBIAN NEWS LADY who spends every night dissecting history of Russian homeland ... they are making it very difficult for Sergey's friends to invite him to White House for traditional Trump family Pussgrab and Chill. And all of these sanctions that are making it very difficult for Beloved Leader Vladimir Putin to invade former satellite nations to restore Mother Russia to its glory, why are THEY still there? Did General Misha and Prince Jared and Alabama redneck who smells like skunk intercourse not say once President Tiny Hands was installed in Oval Office, sanctions would disappear in middle of night like Russian agent with very big mouth? And what about the videotape Russia MAYBE HAVE that MAYBE SHOW Donald Trump receiving traditional golden showers from finest Russian pee hookers? Is he not even afraid of that "leaking" anymore? GET IT? SERGEY THE CLOWN SAY "LEAK" LIKE A JOKE ABOUT HOOKER PEE!

Outgoing Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak complains in a new interview that the deeply divided political climate in the United States—the same atmosphere of controversy and mistrust his government helped to usher in with its attack on the US presidential election—has made it difficult for the Kremlin to advance its agenda in Washington.

The Trump administration “has not taken any real steps” toward the president’s promise to boost cooperation with Russia, Kislyak gripes in an interview posted Wednesday by Russian news agency TASS. “Work with Donald Trump’s administration is unfolding uneasily,” he notes. “The internal political struggle in the United States has dealt a heavy blow to Russian-U.S. relations. Sometimes, you are surprised at the ease with which the American establishment is ready to sacrifice normalcy in our relations.”

What is to become of Sergey? He has to go home now, because Vladimir says Russian ambassador should not be so famous! But maybe everything will be OK. When Sergey actually got to visit Oval Office, Russian intelligence asset with broiled ferret on head give Russian ambassador and foreign minister belly scratch and whisper sweet Israeli intelligence into our ears. It was very nice! And of course we still have pee tape. OR DO WE? Sergey will never tell! Don't go chasing waterfalls, Donald Trump! Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to! OF RUSSIAN PEE!

Sergey would tell you more about Russian sadness about Disappointing Donald, but it is just too painful right now. Hopefully Vladimir will talk some sense into Spray-Tanned Moron when they meet Friday at stupid G20 summit for Western whores.

On other hand, maybe Sergey's alleged sadness is Russian dezinformatsiya to make pretend like Trump not having unprotected sex with Russia anymore. Maybe entire Trump administration making nude hot tub to Sergey RIGHT NOW! Whoa if true, as they say on beloved American blog Wonkette! Did you see Wonkette's joking internet article about Vegan Buttholes? Sergey has never heard of such a thing in his life, and now he is to be giggling again! Vegan buttholes! Americans idiots are such, eh, how you say, KNEE-SLAPPERS!

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[Mother Jones]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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