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He really doesn't 'get' jail.


Ryan Bundy, one of the leaders of the Glorious Oregon Freedom-Dildo Wildlife Refuge Liberation Army, got himself put into "Disciplinary Housing" Tuesday after getting into a Freedom Struggle with deputies who were trying to handcuff him for a field trip away from the jail. Yr Wonkette for one is shocked that Mr. Bundy would be anything other than a model of dignity and cooperation with legitimate authority. What happened there?

U.S. marshals were scheduled to transport Bundy about 6 a.m. from the Multnomah County Detention Center, said sheriff's Capt. Steve Alexander. He didn't know where Bundy was going.

When jail deputies went to Bundy's cell to escort him to the marshals, Bundy didn't want to go, Alexander said. Bundy argued with a sergeant, who was trying to handcuff him when Bundy "spun around" and the sergeant took him to the ground, Alexander said.

Several deputies assisted in ultimately handcuffing Bundy, who was then examined by medical staff.

"He was fine," Alexander said.

Oh! Well, then, that explains it -- U.S. Marshals have no authority over "ryan c, man," who is an "idiot of the 'Legal Society'" and therefore not subject to the laws of the "United States, which is but a legal fiction anyway. We can see why he'd be testy, especially since no one has paid any attention to the recent pile of Sovereign Citizen derp he recently filed, demanding he be released from jail and paid $800 million for his unjust imprisonment. So when he refused to be handcuffed, that wasn't him being a disobedient prisoner -- it was his expression of his God-given rights as a subject of the Kingdom of Heaven (which has so far not asked he be extradited, however).

Capt. Alexander said that Bundy was uninjured in the scuffle, despite panicky social messages claiming he was savagely beaten, including a Facebook video from soon-to-be jobless Nevada Assemblywoman and Bundy Buddy Michele Fiore, who claimed the deputies "bum rushed" Bundy to remove him from his cell, beat him up, and pounded him against the wall. She knows, because she is on Facebook. Fiore's pal Gavin Seim -- who live streamed audio of the standoff's final hours -- speculated Bundy was taken to a hospital to remove a bullet or bullet fragment from his arm "in secret" so they could disappear the evidence of Bundy's having been wounded when federal and state officers shot LaVoy Finicum near the end of the standoff in January. That would make for a pretty bad coverup, since reports at the time noted Bundy had suffered a minor gunshot wound. Still, you know how our lawless out-of control-government is! Seim also reported with great excitement that Bundy's belongings had been removed from his cell, no doubt for some nefarious purpose. He also urged supporters to deluge the jail with phone calls to demand proof that Bundy was still alive. Several commenters on the Facebook post blamed Hillary Clinton.

Bundy was returned to the Multnomah County Jail around 1 p.m.; jail staff would not comment on where Bundy (or perhaps a genetically engineered replicant who looked just like him) had been. Bundy (or the replicant, possibly a brainwashed space alien) was written up for "disruptive behavior, failure to do as ordered and threatening and assaulting staff." He was also moved from the jail's general population to disciplinary housing in response to the incident. We'll go way out on a limb and guess that's where his stuff ended up going, too.* (See update at end of post) Get ready for the news of his transfer to be translated by Wingnut Telephone into a claim that he's on Death Row, and mere days away from execution. An administrative hearing is scheduled for Friday; if the hearing officer determines Bundy broke jail rules, he could lose some jail privileges. Or be "disappeared" just like in a banana republic!

Bundy is representing himself in the wildlife refuge case, which is scheduled to go to court in September and ought to make for some interesting reporting. His court-appointed standby attorney, Lisa Ludwig, declined to comment on Wednesday's incident, although we're betting she may have sighed heavily and made gagging gestures. Purely conjecture on our part.

As of yet, there have been no reports of a posse of Freedom Fighters descending on the jail to liberate the Bundys and smuggle them out of the country, but you have to bet that somewhere in Idaho or Montana, some idiot is even now welding steel bars to the bumper of his pickup, "just in case." And, of course, making another run to the gun shop to stock up on .223 ammo for the inevitable outbreak of civil war when the Bundys are convicted or Donald Trump loses. Stay strong, patriots.

* Minor Update: Alert Wonkette Operative "UncleTravelingMatt" says it's unlikely Bundy's stuff would go with him to a disciplinary cell. So let's say his stuff went to storage, and he can reclaim it from Frank Oz if he's returned to general population. "One unused prophylactic. One...soiled."

[Oregonian / Oregon Public Broadcasting / Gavin Seim on Facebook]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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