cosmopolitan elite


Roll off your cousin-girlfriends and pay attention, deplorable Trump supporters, it's time for the morning news! Specifically, there is news about Stephen Miller, the creepy dead-eyed racist (who's been like that since high school) who is a common man JUST LIKE YOU, who likes to go on TV and say Donald Trump's authori-i-tah "will not be questioned," and who stood before the press recently and shrieked "COSMOPOLITAN BIASSSSSSSS" at CNN's Jim Acosta, for the sin of pointing out that Trump's new immigration plan (which will never ever be law) is totally racist.

It seems that Mr. Regular Old Racist has a verrrrrrry COSMOPOLITAN BIASSSSSSS apartment in Washington DC! Like, it is so cosmopolitan bias that you cannot afford it. You, adoring Trump supporter, probably could not even get a real estate agent to show you a similar unit, even if you reached under your gelatinous stomach and hiked your overalls up so you could fetch your wallet from your fanny pack. It is a 46 minute trip to the nearest Cracker Barrel, so you probably wouldn't want to live there anyway. But again, you cannot afford it. Aren't you glad Donald Trump drained the swamp of all the elites?

As the Washington Post explains, Miller lives in CityCenterDC in a two-bedroom unit he bought for $973,000 in 2014. It is very nice! In fact, the video that greets you when you visit its website shows you what kinda regular down-to-earth sorta place this is:

Please don't be mad we made this .GIF, CityCenterDC. It's for HUMOR VALUE.

Rust Belt Trump People, can you see why Stephen Miller was drawn to this joint? As the WaPo points out, the slogan for CityCenterDC is "You are where you live," which obviously means Stephen Miller is COSMOPOLITAN BIASSSSSSSSS.

If you can't buy like a common Stephen Miller, rentals start at over $2,500 per month, but it's worth it to have an Hermès and a Gucci like RIGHT DOWNSTAIRS. If you're not familiar with those brands, Real Americans, they are kind of like Duck Dynasty-branded products but one million dollars and not ugly.

Restaurants in the complex have names like Centrolina, Dolcezza and Milk Bar, and they surely serve something kind of like the KFC Double Down sammiches Trump supporters eat, right? (No, they do not. Also, no shoes, no shirt, no service. No, it's not printed on the window, because they fucking assume they don't have to.)

The WaPo notes that when Miller bought his $973K pad, he was making $129K per year as a Senate staffer. That's a big purchase price for that salary, don't you think, financial industry people? Fortunately, Miller was able to put $500K down, which means he only mortgaged $473K, which is ... still a big mortgage at that salary! Even MORE fortunately, though, the condo's owner is listed as "Stephen Miller Cordary Inc." You will be shocked to learn that "Cordary Inc." is the heartland Los Angeles real estate company Miller's daddy owns. The WaPo even reports that Young Mister Racist Miller is listed as a vice president of that company, though he claims to be unpaid. He could still have a lot of money lying around from it, though!

That makes the purchase price more sane, obviously, just like it makes it more sane that in 2008, when Miller was 23, he managed to buy a $450K condo in Logan Circle in DC, all while making the meager salary of just $54K per year. (With a $200K down payment! Thanks Daddy, we are assuming!)

Now, look, it's OK for people to have help from their parents. Really, it is! Some people's parents help them afford sweet sexxxxy cosmopolitan fuckpads in Washington, others dictate lies about their sons' Russian conspiracy meetings while jetting around on Air Force One. It's called F-A-M-I-L-Y.

Indeed, we imagine Donald Trump's regular salt-of-the-earth supporters do nice things for their families too! Fresh-kilt squirrel doesn't just fall into the mailbox by itself!

We're just saying's it's maybe a tad hypocritical that Miller is going around bellyaching about "COSMOPOLITAN BIASSSSSSSSS!" (a clear dogwhistle from Historical Times, used to inflame the unwashed masses in Nazi Germany and communist Russia) when he is clearly, truly, madly, deeply, very "cosmopolitan bias" in his own right, as he eats bon bons out of sconces while perched in a onesie on his quartz countertops, alternately gazing at his reflection in the glass backsplash or enjoying his "dramatic floor-to-ceiling windows with unparalleled views of downtown."

Nice digs if you can get 'em, though!

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[Washington Post / CityCenterDC]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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