We have created a bad photoshop to show our love. That's not creepy, is it?

It's no secret everyone blames -- accurately, probably -- Barack Obama's takedown of Donald Trump at the 2011 White House Correspondents' Dinner for setting off the thin-skinned babyman's revenge reflex and making him run for president. So what does that mean for the 2017 iteration of the annual Bataan Death March of Comedy? Nobody wants to see Trump himself attempt to tell jokes, and there's a credible threat that the show would simply consist of Steve Bannon giving atomic wedgies to every Jewish journalist in the audience. We are therefore happy to let you know that Samantha Bee is planning some counter-programming: a considerably less painful gala called "Not the White House Correspondents’ Dinner," to be held the same night and time, and certain to be far more fun. Ms. Bee insists to the New York Times that she is absolutely not trying to upstage that other dinner, if it's even held this year:

Ms. Bee said that it was not an attempt to comment on or compete with that other, better-known banquet, but a night to include jokes about Mr. Trump that she and like-minded comedians want to make.

“We’re not trying to supersede it,” she said in a telephone interview. “We just want to be there in case something happens -- or doesn’t happen -- and ensure that we get to properly roast the president.”

To which we can only say, "Yeah, right" and "Please Please Please invite Wonkette."

We would just like to point out a few things here in pleading our case:

Anyhoo, Bee says she and the staff of "Full Frontal" came up with the idea shortly after the election, when it occurred to them the WHCD would be pretty damned uncomfortable during a Trump presidency, if it was even allowed to take place at all. "And then we thought, Why don’t we just do one, just to do it in the way that we would want it done if we were hosting it?" We can certainly get behind this. We bet John Oliver would even come, if you apologize nicely to him for saying Steve Mnuchin looked like his evil twin.

Bee said the show would probably air on TBS like "Full Frontal," but the details are still being determined:

“We have binders full of people, but we don’t have any specifics to offer yet,” she said. Ms. Bee said that proceeds from her event would go to the Committee to Protect Journalists.

And god knows that's a group that needs protection these days, even if Donald Trump has said he probably would never kill any journalists like Putin has, HA! HA!

In conclusion, we wish Ms. Bee well with her Not The WHCD, which can't help but be funnier than any attempt by Donald Trump to do comedy. In fact, dead air would be funnier than Trump's lighthearted comedy riffs at the 2016 Al Smith Dinner:

Remember that? He had one good joke, about how unfair the media is because when Michelle Obama gives a speech, everyone loves it, but when Melania gives the very same speech, she gets criticized. That was it. And then these happened:

  • Hillary is so corrupt, she got kicked off the Watergate Commission. [Boos] How corrupt do you have to be to get kicked off the Watergate Commission? Pretty corrupt.
  • For example, here she is tonight, in public, pretending not to hate Catholics.
  • Everyone knows, of course, Hillary’s belief that it takes a village, which only makes sense after all in places like Haiti, where she’s taken a number of them.

Comedy like that makes us look forward to the sunny, optimistic worldview of FX's Baskets.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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FINALLY. Of course, we say "finally," because we haven't been behind the scenes in the House Judiciary and Intelligence committees to witness the negotiating and wrangling firsthand, so we don't know what it's taken to make this happen, but clear your calendars for July 17, because Bobby Mueller is goin' to Congress!

Committee chairs Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler sent the letter late yesterday, accompanied by a subpoena, for Mueller to testify at 9 a.m. Eastern on July 17, which is a Wednesday, so you will presumably not be busy with brunch. The hearings for each committee will be back to back, after which members of Mueller's staff will meet with committee staff behind closed doors.

Schiff told Rachel Maddow last night that it should not be viewed as a friendly subpoena, because as we all know, Mueller has been very reluctant to become the star of the political circus this will surely create. However, he's gonna have to suck it up, because as we all saw after what happened when Mueller addressed the nation for 10 whole minutes, there is great value in actually having Mueller breathe life into his own work, for an American audience that hasn't read his 448-page report. (And we don't blame them/you! We probably wouldn't have read it all if it wasn't our job. It would probably be on our "list," like "someday I am going to watch 'The Sopranos' start to finish finally. And then I will read the Mueller Report!")

Point is, it needs to happen on live TV, where people can gather around at work and on the train and in the Fantastic Sams while they gets their hair did, and let this highly respected public servant tell the story of how America's most hostile enemy attacked the 2016 election in order to help Donald Trump, how the Trump campaign was positively orgasmic over that reacharound, and how Trump criminally obstructed the investigation into that hostile foreign attack at every turn.

And because Robert Mueller is a patriotic American who respects the rule of law and our institutions, he will be complying with the subpoena, because of fucking course he will.

Right off the bat, we have a couple of questions:

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Beds at the 'temporary' shelter in Homestead, Florida. US HHS photo.

The House of Representatives passed a $4.5 billion emergency bill to fund detention of undocumented immigrants and asylum seekers yesterday, but the bill's demands that government meet minimal standards of humane treatment led Donald Trump to threaten a veto, because no one puts cruelty in a corner. The bill passed largely along party lines, 230-195, with four progressive Democratic first-term representatives opposing it because they believed the machinery of the New Cruelty shouldn't get a single dollar more. Trump prefers a bill already passed by the Senate, which would provide a similar level of funding $4.6 billion), but lacks the House bill's crazy radical requirements that migrants be held in less horrifying conditions than have been reported in the last week.

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