San Bernardino Police Chief Jarrod Burguan, i.e. one of the people who gave us ACCURATE info this week.
Good Saturday morning, Wonkers! What a week, huh? We come back from Thanksgiving, only to be greeted by not one, but TWO grand scale mass shootings. Both religiously-motivated, it seems. Only one we're officially calling "terrorism," and we're calling it that because The Officials are calling it that. So a lot of our top stories this week are about that stuff. So let's settle in for our weekend reading and find out what we missed.
First Thing's First, though, it is officially The Holidays, which means yr Wonkette requests you find it in your beautiful, snarky hearts to throw us some dollars, to feed the Wonkette children and the Wonkette babby and also the Wonkette Media EMPIRE! So click here and give us $5, $10, or $25, as a special Santa present! Remember, you can even use your Love Offering to give a special "just the tip" to me, yours truly, the "Evan" one, or to the "Kaili" one, or to the "Dok" one. Or all of us!
Oh look, Wonkette baby is sleeping VERY QUIETLY under the donations paragraph, so you should probably throw bills instead of coins, as they are not so loud.
Okay, here is your weekend reading list, chosen as usual by the scientific method, going all the way back to the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Yeah yeah, that's more than seven days, shut up.
1. There is a new person at Wonkette, and it is C.A. Pinkham, and he is writing a column for Wonkette that DOES NOT AT ALL RESEMBLE "Behind Closed Ovens," a beloved long-running installment from Jezebel, where he used to work. Click to read it!
2. That time The Daily Beast misidentified a mass shooting suspect and posted the wrong guy's home address online. Good times.
3. Our first newsy news update on the San Bernardino terrorist attack/mass shooting. Wonkette hasn't had to issue a correction yet.
4. Your editrix Rebecca and her husband Shypixel have been married A WHOLE YEAR NOW, and they still are being very nice to each other. If you didn't read the thing she wrote for their anniversary, read it now!
5. Oh yeah, that OTHER religiously-motivated mass shooting, at the Planned Parenthood. Here's what we knew, when we knew it.
6. An epic tale of how we, Wonkette, got EVEN DUMBER watching cable TV news coverage of the San Bernardino shootings.
6.5. This does not get its own official number, but Wonkette For Olds, where all the stories are listed out the Old Way, without all the buttons and the doohickeys and the whatsits, is actually, for technical, the number seven post of the week. What are you old geezers doing over there? Got an illegal bingo parlor set up or something?
7. Tim Tebow still refuses to put out.
8. Mississippi says nice white dad died in police custody because he was tripping balls, ayup, that's a thing that happens, you betcha.
9. Our initial report on the San Bernardino shootings. Our only speculation was that we wondered whether guns might have been involved in a shooting.
10. And finally, our second newsy update on the San Bernardino shootings, the one where Fox News was just SO SURE they were about to say "terror" and "Mooslin!" and "RADICAL ISIS AYEEEEEEEE!" But they didn't, sadface.
So there you go, Wonkers. That's your assigned reading.
Now you have one task left, and one task only. You should go ahead and like Wonkette on Facebook, because that is another place we are! So when you're playing your Candy Birds and your Angry Words Saga and sending invitations to all your friends, you can also share Wonkette articles with them! Wasn't that easy? Yes, yes it was.
Anyway, bye now, and enjoy the rest of your weekend or whatever.
Love,
Wonket
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