Sara Benincasa's 'Real Artists Have Day Jobs' Comprises Many Chapters, Words. Buy Her Book!
Hello citizens! It is I, Sara Benincasa, longtime Wonkette contributor and longer-time Wonkette commenter. I am here to tell you about my new book,Real Artists Have Day Jobs, which you can obtain via preorder or REGULAR ORDER, depending on whether it is before 4/26/2016 or after! You, garbage leftist bed-wetter, really need this book. It will teach you the way of conservative values. HAHAHA! JK! No really, it’s a lot of fun and I think you’ll dig it. It’s got funny, loving advice based on the many times I’ve fucked up and the very few times I’ve gotten something right the first time.
Trust me when I say this book is self-deprecating and goofy and heartfelt and loving and it’s not preachy or holier-than-thou. I am an actual garbage leftist bed-wetter so I have no high horse to sit upon whilst proclaiming my own genius.
I’m a dork.
I hope you are, too.
The dork in me bows to the dork in you.
There are 52 chapters in total, but some “chapters” are only a page or less. So you can read as you please, is that not convenient? Here are all the chapter titles, for you, in order.
1. Real Artists Have Day Jobs
2. How to Read a Book
3. Everything Is Intersectional
4. It Gets Better, Mostly
5. Do It Anyway
6. Put Your Clutter in Purgatory
7. When You Don’t Know What To Do, Ask a Successful Woman
8. You Can Do Magic
9. Feel All the Feelings
10. There Will Be Shit Days
11. Elect Your Own Executive Board
12. Take Care of Your Teeth
13. Quit Apologizing For Everything
14. Radical Overconfidence
15. Join the Fancy Club at the Airport
16. When You Can’t Figure Something Out, Put Yourself in Water
17. Take the Compliment
18. Go Fuck Yourself
19. Wear a Weird Hat
21. The Power of Being A Dork
22. Everything’s Not Alright (And That’s Alright)
23. Life Is Too Short For Shitty Friends
24. Self-Care for Women in Comedy
25. Prioritize Sleep
26. Sleep Naked
27. Ask Questions
28. Surprise! You Don’t Have To Love Your Family
30. Give It Away Now
31. Abuse is Fucking Complicated
32. Make Art Like a Little Kid
33. Bridge the Gaps in Your Pop Culture Education
34. When People Tell You Who They Are, Believe Them
35. Ask For Exactly What You Want
36. Don’t Buy Into The Marriage Myth
37. Tell Your Partner What You Like In Bed
38. Gratitude is Underrated
39. Write Fan Letters
40. Acknowledge That Having a Kid Doesn’t Make You an Adult
41. A Vagina Is Not a Time Machine
42. Always Say Hello to Older People, Because They Are Invisible
43. Identify a Personal Prejudice and Educate It Into Non-Existence
44. Let An Animal Adopt You
45. Walk Your Way To A Solution
46. It’s Always Time To Play
47. Realize Your Size Doesn’t Matter
48. The Darkness Is Where The Good Stuff Starts
49. Your Normal Is Not Everybody Else’s Normal
50. This Too Shall Pass
51. Always Celebrate Rainbows
52. Look in the Mirror and Say I Love You
If these chapter titles do not convince you to purchase this book, I do not know what will! Maybe if I say, “You’re a pretty pretty baby.” Does that do it? Because you are. You really, really are.
Xoxo and thank you for being the best website dorks ever,