Both of 'em are hopped up on goofballs if you ask us


In all the excitement of the Iowa Caucuses, you might have missed one little squirmish leading up to the big night: a microfeud between rightwing idiot Sarah Palin and idiot rightwinger Steve King over Palin's historic histrionic endorsement of Donald Trump. You see, King gave an interview to MSNBC in which he hinted that maybe Trump had paid for Sarah's endorsement, and man oh man did that ever make her so mad that blood was coming out of her eyes and her whatever! We love it when people we can't stand fight, especially when it's over something stupid -- we can root for both of 'em and feel satisfied by any outcome short of actual dueling.

Here's what King said that set Sister Sarah off:

There aren’t very many people who have been able to say no to Donald Trump ... [It's] not only the plus-ups of the promotion, the limelight ... He has a massive amount of assets and resources that he can deploy when it comes time to convince someone. That has to impact how people think.

King suggested some kind of fix had to be in, because when it comes to conservative free-market yadda yaddas, "I am confident that she is much more comfortable on the issues with Ted Cruz" than with Trump. Of course, that leaves out the thing that Palin and Trump share most deeply, the addiction to attention-seeking and saying any goddamned thing that comes into their heads, no matter how stupid it may be. On that criterion, they're practically identical. Their shared spirit animal is a meth-addled squirrel.

Sarah was not pleased by the suggestion that she'd been bought off, because nobody buys Sarah Palin, at least not in a scheme she hasn't concocted her own self. So at a Trump event in Cedar Rapids Monday, Palin explained that she thought King was her friend, but then he stabbed her in the back! Clearly, he had to be hiiiiigh, probably because he's been sucking down all those biofuels that Iowa is famous for:

He’s accusing me on MSNBC -- first, MSNBC, really? -- of selling my support to Mr. Trump ... This is why people don’t really like politics, they know that it’s a dirty business because people will say things they know are untrue. But why would a good conservative guy like Steve King, from the heartland of America, want to say something that he knows isn't true?

That just doesn't sound like the heartland of America. Maybe he’s forgotten some of his heart in the heartland, he's got a touch of that Potomac Fever there in D.C. Maybe he’s been -- I don’t know -- maybe he’s been hanging out in a corn field too long huffin' ethanol or something because his accusations here are way off base.

You'd almost think Sarah was accusing King and Cruz of being addicted to Big Money from the biofuels industry, when Cruz, at least, made some serious political enemies in Iowa by promising to end the ethanol mandate. (Steve King himself remains firmly in the pocket of Big Corn, so, sure, maybe it's a valid diss).

With characteristic Palin wit and nasality, Sarah went on to "admit" Trump had wooed her with a promise: The promise to Make America Great Again! Oh, Steve King, ya burnt! With ethanol, no less!

Later in the day Monday, King replied -- on an MSNBC panel again, the traitor -- that he had no freaking idea what Palin was talking about, which is one of the few times we've ever found ourselves agreeing with ol' Canteloupe Calves:

I had to Google that word "huffing;" I didn't know what that meant. I got "Huffington Post" when I did that the first time.

With the sharp wit that we've come to expect from her, Mika Brzezinski jumped in, "It's right next to 'squirmishes' in the dictionary," everyone laughed, and suddenly the video volume increased painfully as the loathsome Luke Russert popped up to urge us to subscribe to MSNBC's YouTube channel, which made us spill our coffee right out of our STFU Luke Russert coffee mug. It was very Circle of Life!

Our takeaway: Sarah Palin is still an idiot, Steve King is still a moron, and did you see him dancing around behind Ted Cruz during Cruz's victory speech in what looked like a combination of an awkward white guy victory dance and an indication that he had to pee really bad? And now the good people of Iowa can breathe easily for another four years, until the next presidential season wafts more Sarah Palin Endorsement Farts across the region.

[RawStory / The Hill / MSNBC]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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