Sarah Palin Calls Jesus Gun-Humpin' Idiot

Christ at rest.

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Our Lady of The You Betcha Moose Chili dun got her on Facebook again, or at least her ghostwriter did (Willow maybe?), to libel Jesus, Prince of Peace, as a big dumb NRA-humping gun-licker:


Taking concrete defense measures (ie. arming ourselves) away from the good guys? Yeah... that... we don't want that. [...]

Shoot, even the Lord said to take up arms and defend yourself and protect the innocent! We're expected to take responsibility to defend ourselves and to protect the innocent, certainly not relying on fallible leaders to do it for us.


Don't believe me? Look it up! Luke 22:36. I wrote about it in #sweetfreedom.

Proof, Jesus is a proponent of carrying!

Oh good. We were wondering whether Palin would address gun-humping in the Bible she wroted all by herself. Let's look up what that verse sayeth:

He said to them, "But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don't have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one."

Hmmmm, that's not about guns. Let's check the King James version:

Then said he unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one.

Sarah, you dumb bastard, that verse is about SWORDS. So unless somebody in U.S. America is considering an OPEN-SWORDING law, we don't think this has Jesus's endorsement. Because two verses later, the disciples are like, "Hey, Jeez-Whiz, we got TWO swords!" and Jesus says, "That's enough!" Either two swords is all you need (NOT ASSAULT WEAPONS!), or Jesus was just tired of their shit that day. We're still not seeing how this relates to the Holy Second Amendment.

Maybe we are not as good at Christianing as Sarah Palin is. We didn't even know "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition" is from the Bible. We've been mistranslating it as "turn the other cheek," because Aramaic is the worst.

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Palin also directs us to this "parody" video produced by the wingnut Media Research Center about how dumb that Barack Obama is every time there's a mass shooting and he dares to say guns might have been involved. We know it is a "parody" and also "funny" because Sarah informs her very stupid Palinbot fans that this is intended to make them laugh:

As this hilarious parody says, " will really suck when only the bad guys have guns."

PUNCHLINE KNEE-SLAPPER JOKES! Here, Wonkers, you need something to make you DIE LAUGHING, and since the Daily Caller's sidesplitting post "13 Syrian Refugees Tucker Carlson Wants To Fingerbang" isn't working real good right now, this will have to do:

Wonkette hopes you didn't break your body by laughing so hard you snorted coffee into your brain during that video. If you did, plz sue Sarah Palin, not us.

[Sarah Palin on Facebook viaThe Hill / JoeMyGod]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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