Donate

Can't fool her with your "gotcha" questions.


[contextly_sidebar id="EbSjoyuOBZk4blHoMwjK4m9dFNzE1ls3"]The Thing What Squozed Bristol Out Of Its Moose Parts is talking again, because The Thing still has a book to sell. (It's a Bible devotional doohickey, but with all the lovey gay Jesus words crossed out and replaced with Reaganomics and the Second Amendment, available at all fine Amazon kiosks!)

In an interview with CNN's Michael Smerconish, Sarah Palin 'splained how bad a presidential candidate would have to be for her to give her vote to somebody who doesn't believe in Jesus or any of the other gods. This came in response to what Smerconish acknowledged was a "gotcha" question (akin to "Who or what is a newspaper?") about whether she could ever vote for an atheist:

Oof, gosh! If it all came down to that versus someone who believed in a religion that was hell-bent on destroying those who didn't agree with their religion, who would literally want to kill those, the infidels, who would not say, 'Okay, I'll go along with you,' then I would. Which means, anybody who is in any way sympathetic to what's going on today with Muslim terrorists, who would crucify children and behead women and stop at nothing to try to destroy us and Israel and our allies, I'd choose an atheist over that!

OOF, GOSH! She added, "OK, gosh, darn it. You made it too simple!" Note to journalists: There is apparently such thing as a question "too simple" for Sarah Palin.

We are just glad she's got her priorities on the straight and narrow, because you never know what might happen if ISIS got the nomination for the Democrat Party, since the president's been pallin' around with them, wearin' his Mom Jeans and just generally, you betcha?

[contextly_sidebar id="i6UATuQvvnP0dc4GJdyQcZ59aHFOPxRF"]Palin, who will whore-grift for this dumbass Bible she wroted until she finds something shiny and new to grift about, told Smerconish that her book would be a super gift for that finicky atheist on your Christmas list:

It's very important that people of faith, atheists, anybody who would be looking for answers today, the best place to go to look for answers that deal with personal problems and political problems that our world, certainly that our nation is facing, it's already spelled out for us -- the answers -- in the Old and the New Testaments.

Not that you need to read the Old and New Testaments because you can just read Sarah Palin's book report on them instead.

Yr Wonkette reached out to Sarah Palin to see who ELSE was so bad she'd pick an atheist instead, just kidding no we didn't, but here are Sarah's answers to our questions, that we completely made up:

WONKETTE: What if it was the guy/s who always knock Bristol up in her sacred vagina chamber? Would you rather have them or an atheist?

PALIN: Oof, gosh!

[contextly_sidebar id="vTEkM9VD59RsoP3rfPW6Rh3V8IGgw49X"]WONKETTE: What if it was that French fascist blonde thing Marion Maréchal-Le Pen you've been having Alaskan Morning Wood over? Would you rather have her than an atheist?

PALIN: Can word salad have an orgasm with the pope in the woods? YOU BETCHA.

WONKETTE: What if it was Ahmed the clock boy? He is a Muslin, but not an ISIS sympathizer?

[contextly_sidebar id="SLcIQKCx5nSGnJU13iEDYDxK3fS1SY7o"]PALIN: Oof, gosh! Well I had a clock one time, and Ahmed's thing didn't look like any of the clocks I ever use to keep time when Todd and I are trying out a new Grizzly Humping position while the Moosey Beaver Shart Stew is in the Crock Pot and also too, Ahmed's thing looked like a giant suitcase bomb in the picture Bristol saw on Christians Who Put Out Dot Com, so guess I'll have to go with the Jesus hater! Made it too simple again!

And with that, Wonkette ended its fake interview with Sarah Palin, secure in the knowledge that she is still A Idiot.

[Crooks & Liars]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

Well, lordy Jesus, that was 10 minutes of our life we're never going to get back.

A few minutes ago, all the reporters on Twitter started saying, "Um, we are getting called to the Rose Garden and we don't know why." Democrats were supposed to be meeting with Trump about Infrastructure Week, but instead, this was happening:

Hooray! There was a sign in the Rose Garden! It said how big the Mueller Investigation was! And most importantly the Mueller Investigation said NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION, PREZNIT TRUMP GOOD, NOT A RUSSIAN.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Alex Díaz de la Portilla on Facebook

Alex Díaz de la Portilla, former Florida Republican state senator, is in hot water over a leaked WhatsApp chat log that appears to show campaign workers chatting about destroying or disappearing absentee ballots filled out for the candidate's opponent in the nonpartisan county election, according to the Miami New Times. Díaz de la Portilla ultimately came in third in the May 2018 special election for a seat on the Miami-Dade County Commission, so even if some of his people did deep-six some ballots, it didn't apparently help him. Clearly, these pikers could have learned a lot from the experts in North Carolina about electoral fuckery.

Still, you have to appreciate just how brilliantly Díaz de la Portilla plays the role of a local pol accused of just a teensy bit of ratfucking.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc