Sarah Palin Hits Head, Makes As Much Sense As Ever
Dear friends, Sarah Palin has fallen on some rocks and given herself a NASTY boo boo on her noggin! She posted the pictures Sunday on Facebook, and OUCH.
Here's what Sarah wroted had happened:
Rock-running recently, I tripped over my own two feet and crashed & burned face-first. I recovered with the doc's SuperGlue, and now any man who asks "what happened?" I'll refer to as just a mean ol' SEXIST bully.
Well damn. And you might be wondering what in the name of snowy Alaskan moose-jizz she means with that whole thing about a "mean ol' SEXIST bully." No, we do not think it is the head injury talking. But we'll get to that in one second.
First we want to say that Wonkette may make fun of Sarah Palin, um, a teensy bit, but we sincerely are sorry this happened and wish Sarah the speediest of recoveries. Keep some ice on that thing, get lots of rest, and try to stay away from Facebook because we can't imagine it's comfortable to stare at screens with that eye injury. Also too, Sarah, you should stay off Facebook because WHAT EVEN THE FUCK is up with the rest of your announcement about your head injury, which is all about Hillary Clinton?
Leave Hillary alone, bullies
Aww, c'mon guys, give her a break. Anyone can be out of commission.... for weeks on end... whilst in the heat of battle for the highest office in the land. No press conferences for nearly a year? No scheduled campaign events for days upon days? No statements, no answers, no accountability, no problem. Layin' low to run out the clock before November, but you're SEXIST for noticing it.
Hillary did a press conference earlier this month, but it wasn't for white wingnut journalists, so we guess it doesn't count.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/605279/what-is-hillary-clinton-dying-from-today"></a>[/wonkbar]Based on the links Sarah includes, we can now report officially that she is a Hillary's Health Truther. She includes two articles from Dead Breitbart and one from Fox News, about how Hillary is "hiding" from the campaign trail, either because she is scared of the media, or maybe because she is dying of cancer, Parkinson's, a pickle jar and a broken heart, if Breitbart's medical expertise is any indication. (For more on what Hillary is dying of, please check out these Wonket articles, which are much more accurate than Dead Breitbart. Or you could just read the long, extensive letter from Hillary's doctor, which is more detailed than Trump's doctor letter, which may be fake, and which simply says he is YOOGE AND TERRIFIC, HEALTHIEST PRESIDENT EVER, LIKE HORSE.)
And you're MISOGYNIST for questioning a female's fitness. Good thing media didn't hound the crap out of '08 candidate John McCain for his decades-old military medical records or I'd guess them to be hypocrites.
Leave Hillary alone! All that email-evidenced yoga, and wedding planning, and cookie-baking-grandma-duty wears you out. Believe you me.
Heck, even those of us claiming to be fit as a (seasoned?) fiddle, hit bumps in the wellness road. Even I. Especially I. (Remember Piper's middle name is "Grace"; mine isn't.)
We ... I ... OK maybe she hit her head extra-hard? How would anyone know? Is Sarah saying Hillary is dying of emails and yoga and cookies? Google Translate, PLEASE HALP.
That last quote is directly followed by the thing at the top, Sarah's explanation of how she fall down go boom. Se concludes by saying Hillary has somehow paved the way for the next lady presidential candidate to have NO questions ever asked about her health, because to do so would be sexist, obviously. Or ... whatever the hell Sarah Palin is trying to say.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/605925/hillary-clinton-like-lol-pretty-sure-donald-trump-is-the-real-racist"></a>[/wonkbar]We said above that we think it's super-sucky that Sarah's head is all banged up right now (and we would like to remind commenters that if you say ONE THING THAT'S SHITTY that makes it sound like you are happy she is hurt, we will ban you and your mom and your little dog too from Wonket). And hey, maybe she is right (LOL) and Hillary is frail and askeered of the media and has to be wheeled out by the Secret Service once a week or so, for the purpose of eviscerating the fuck out of Donald Trump and the "alt-right," or whatever Grandma's cranky about that day.
Or maybe she's just fine and she's so far ahead in the polling that she's decided she doesn't feel like answering stupid questions from stupid people about whether she's dying right now.