Sarah Palin Quits Thing.

This July 4th, Sarah Palin celebrated America by announcing that she is quitting the Internet-teevee-channel grift, because quitting is what Sarah Palin does best. In video and text announcements on the Sarah Palin Channel, Governor Quitterface declared that as of August 1, anyone can consume premium, previously paywalled Palin content, because Sarah Palin is getting rid of her paywall for freedom, and not because the Sarah Palin Channel was an economic failure, heavens no.

Palin's video announcement tries to strike an upbeat tone, the way your folks did when they first told you that Fluffy would be living at a farm upstate, where he would have all sorts of room to run and chase chickens, doesn't that sound fun for Fluffy? Here is Palin's statement in full, annotated with relevant links to the Fartknocker Archives:

Hey, I wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support, and to let you know personally that we're making all of my content free now! It's starting August 1st, everything's free, and just to let you know, that it is an honor to have you subscribe, really it's been so illuminating and still is so illuminating to read and to respond to many of your insightful comments about current events, about so many things goin' on in our world today.

Now, it is with an important presidential election comin' up that we are gonna do this. I just want to make sure that your voices and mine are heard by the widest possible audience across this great land of ours. I really look forward to continuing to hear your ideas and your dreams and your solutions for America. I'm going to share my own too, keep doin' this on Facebook and, and on the road as we confront these critical choices that we have in 2016.

Members can find additional information about their subscriptions by clicking on the link below this video. Just know that it means so much that we're taking this journey together. So, keep the conversation going, let's keep at it, keep the faith, and I thank you.

When Yr Wonket first took on the terrible burden of The Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker, we did not believe this day would ever come. But our day of deliverance has arrived, and Yr Wonket is overjoyed, for not only does the dissolution of the paywall obviate the purpose of the Fartknocker Report, but also it means that Yr Wonket was right, dammit, and that we have made good on our early promise to watch the lights go out in the Sarah Palin Channel's eyes.

We are now off to find a buxom nurse, who we will dip and kiss deeply on the mouth, but not in a rapey way this time. We would like to thank Fartknocker for financing this experiment, Editrix, Kaili, and Evan for putting up with Yr Wonket, and all of you for opening up your maws each weekend, that we might cram some more freedom down your progressive socialist throats.

August 1 shall henceforth be known as the day of Grifterdämmerung, the day when the Grifter Princess of the Permafrost finally proved that you can't fool all of the morons all of the time. Like cigarettes, America will still consume Palin-flavored content from time to time when we are drunk. But it is no longer 2008, and we have grown stronger as a people, and Sarah Palin no longer feels like an extension of our right-most political appendage.

Good work getting through this with us, America. We're proud of you.

[h/t The Immoral Minority]


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