Sarah Palin Quits Thing For Good Reason, For Once
Mr. and Mrs. Sarah Palin, Palining
When we first learned, from the internet, that Sarah Palin had up and quit an appearance at a rally for Donald Trump, we made the typical Occam's razor assumptions: Sarah Palin, Patron-Type Lady Saint Person Queen o' Quittin' Stuff, was sleeping it off, again; or another one of her dumb drunk kids had been immaculately knocked up by Jesus, again; or another one of her dumb drunk kids had got hisself tossed in jail, again.
But shame on us, because this one time -- this one time only, we are sure, also too -- Sarah had an actual legit reason:
"Todd Palin was in a bad snow machine accident last night and is currently hospitalized. Gov. Palin is returning to Alaska to be with her husband and looks forward to being back on the campaign trail soon. Mr. Trump's thoughts and prayers are with the Palin family at this time," said a Trump campaign statement.
Obviously, we expect Donald Trump's thoughts and prayers will Make Todd Great Again. However, Todd Palin is currently in intensive care, and the details and extent of his injuries are unknown, so we figure it is our duty, as morally superior bleedin'-heart liberals, to not be dicks about it.
Instead, let us sign this virtual "Get well soon, you betcha" card for Todd Palin, so he may resume VROOM VROOMING through the snow and shooting wolves, for fun. We hope for the entire Palin Family® that his recovery is fast and full, so that his loving wife will not be kept from the Trump trail for too long, sitting by her ailing husband's bedside, nursing him to health with homemade moose chili and inspirational excerpts from Sarah Palin's The Bible, By Sarah Palin.
[contextly_sidebar id="jzNWbaMHAkQNEmMIlSp0XWZrhaWzeqG7"]We don't wish harm on anyone, no matter how terrible they or their entire dumb drunk brawlin' god-fricking-awful-as-all-heck fame-whorin' family might be. That is rude and quite beneath us, and that goes for the rest of all y'all and youse guyses. AHEM.
And besides, we really need Sarah back out there, Trump-drunkin', so we can laugh at her and not feel guilty about it. Amen.