Sarah Palin Would Never Judge You For Not Loving Jesus, As Long As You're Donald Trump
[contextly_sidebar id="fp1N16h7jHlWLCz08ZkoqQKfrXAAYyf7"]Oh ho ho ho ho, you want to eat a fried moose sandwich with OMG hypocrisy sauce for breakfast this morning, the day of the big Iowa caucuses? Sarah Palin, whose latest grift (except for this one) is writing her own devotional version of the Bible, said on "The Today Show" that we shouldn't judge Donald Trump for not being Jesus-y enough, because it's not nice to judge, doncha bet?
— TODAY (@TODAYshow) February 1, 2016
I hope voters aren't trying to find the most Christian-y, godliest candidate out there because, you know, who are we to judge one another's level of faith, our Christian quotient if you will...
[contextly_sidebar id="hiAPy5lRXk0UBupkmnyk0zdgWdQ3ZRGy"]Blah blah word salad spit vomit YOU BETCHA. She also says it wasn't hard for her to choose between Trump and Ted Cruz, whom she supported when he was just a "blip on the radar screen" from "there out of Texas," even though Cruz is the actual candidate who promises to start every one of his presidential days by getting down on his knees and doing some kinda nasty to Jesus.
[contextly_sidebar id="l9y3YmKUtMhhlPsDyWjZJ51WwpdPUUYU"]But, whoo boy, this is some rank hypocrisy on Sarah's part, don't you think? Just as recently as December, she was Wasilla-splaining how the next president better be a Christian (because this is a Christian nation!), and how the only way she could ever vote for an atheist would be if the alternative was a dirty Muslim.
[contextly_sidebar id="QSHqMWX0G1L00JOpuk6M9HhvOKpOoG3n"]She has also been telling us how God Has A Plan, and if that plan somehow involves abstinence expert Bristol Palin getting pregnant out of wedlock all the time to infinity and beyond, then oof gosh, thy will be done, father God!
And who can forget 2008, when Palin was just full of any insinuation she could find that Barack Obama was somehow Not One Of Us? What we mostly remember is how she said Obama was "pallin' around with terrorists" AKA William Ayers, this guy who lived in Obama's neighborhood one time. But did you know that she was actually banned from making shouty Alaska words about Obama's pastor Jeremiah Wright? Oh, she wanted to, though! But she probably just wanted to say we shouldn't judge Obama for not being Christian enough, right?
[contextly_sidebar id="uMgwGDbnr5xhljaEVy5tFpjwWK72W2s8"]Look, selling Donald Trump as a Bible-snorting Christian has got to be hard, so we understand if Sarah's just not up to it. This is a man who told Sarah Fucking Palin that his favorite Bible verse was too "personal" to share with just anyone. When he finally "came up with" a favorite, it wasn't actually a thing from the Bible, oops.
[contextly_sidebar id="YUVRuLYTUtsNMBhN3EYyF4H93p69G85Y"]Then at Liberty University, he said ANOTHER favorite Bible verse, but he fucked it up royally. "TWO CORINTHIANS," like, as if, you heathen! But it's not fair to make fun of him for that, because the Family Research Council's Tony Perkins chose that "favorite Bible verse" for him, or so he says.
Oh, and who can forget how much he loves his little Jesus crackers? They're great, just like a little snack during church and ... wait, what's this? Donald Trump was at a church in Iowa on Sunday and he threw money IN THE JESUS CRACKER PLATE? That's not where the money goes at church, Donald Trump.
In short, Sarah Palin says Jesus is not important anymore, please vote for Donald Trump, and please forget she ever said this next time she's criticizing somebody's faith, because that person is probably a Democrat, so different rules apply, Q.E.D.