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Sarah Palin's Twitter Honors America's Greatest Teenager, Bristol

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Hey hey, Bristol Palin is still on that terrible dancing teevee show that makes her dress up as a pink-bowed gorilla furry! Sarah is very proud of her, because she is an important example for all incomprehensible vapid young media personalities: They're going to criticize you anyway, so you may as well be substantive and stick to your ideals jive in a monkey costume on national television. Oh, but this is just one chapter in the Great White Teen's road to "grace&diversity."

Okay, we will buy the first two, but commercial fishing? Is Palin trying to tell us that girl has had an actual job? But sure, combining reality teevee with those three things every snowbilly white-bread backwoods Alaska teen does is the definition of being part African-American.

Oh, she's an economist now. Right. Always seemed like she had a good handle on that stuff. [Twitter]

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I wasn't ready for Koko the gorilla to die. She was just 46, so still young well past the upper age limit for a gorilla, but I'll miss her. She loved cats, told mildly amusing jokes, and put up with people, so she was a lot like your weird aunt.

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Donald Trump held one of his televised cabinet meetings today in which he railed about the terrible Democrats who forced the current border crisis (at a time when illegal border crossings are actually lower than usual). In what's sure to be his favorite phrase on Twitter for the next few days, Trump blamed "extremist open-border Democrats" for all the problems he brought on himself with his family separation policy, and explained that Democrats were simultaneously hurting illegal immigrants AND the rest of America by forcing Normal America to accept Central Americans who fled to the US. It made loads of sense! And then things got ... less so.

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