Guess she'll just have to go get a wingnut book deal or something.

A lot of people have been saying, OOH THAT KIM DAVIS, that asshole, that adulteress, that bleeding pus-filled skin tag on the lady-jumper-concealed inner thigh of humanity! That's not what this post is about, people have just been saying those things a lot. Anyway, people have also been saying, "Yeah, just wait for the GoFundMe," because that's what whore-grifting put-upon fundamentalist Christians do when the rest of America does the Holocaust to them, by forcing them to play by the same rules as everyone else.

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But, sad trombone, that is NOT going to happen, probably, because remember how GoFundMe changed its rules recently? As Jameson Parker explains at AddictingInfo, GoFundMe got real tired of how people were using its platform to raise money for ACTUAL lawbreakers, so they inserted a new thing that said, "HEY CUT THAT OUT, YOU FUCKERS." The real words of the new policy explain that "GoFundMe will not allow campaigns that benefit individuals or groups facing formal charges or claims of serious violations of the law." Clear cut, right?

We'll let Jameson explain you more, then we will explain you more:

The jailed Davis, held on contempt of court charges, surely fits the bill. (And Davis technically pulls off a rare double disqualification because it’s also a “discriminatory act.”)

Would conservatives have really given Davis millions just for not doing her job?

CLEARLY, they would have. They are assholes, and it's not like they were using that money to feed starving children or anything. They probably just would've used the extra moneys they're not spending on Ashley Madison at the moment.

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Let's journey back a few months, right to the moment when Dark Lord Satan possessed the GoFundMe people and turned the site into a hotbed of Christian persecution. It was April. The flowers were blooming, the birds were chirping, the teens were fucking, and Aaron and Melissa Klein, the bigot bakers of Oregon, were racking up a fucking ungodly sum of money from dumb wingnuts, because the poor Kleins had been ordered by the state to pay a big ass $135,000 fine. Why? Because the Kleins thought state regulations about serving ALL customers at their bakery, Sweetcakes By Melissa, didn't apply to them. They had rejected a request for a penis cake for a lesbian wedding (that's what all the lesbo-girls want), and whaddya know, the girls sued! And they won.

The Kleins' fundraising off their law-breaking was the TRIGGER WARNING for GoFundMe to goof around with its policies and say NO CRIMERS, even if they are Sincerely Held Religious Belief Crimers. They're all thugs in the eyes of the law!

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So the Kleins' GoFundMe was canceled, and they only got to keep like $109,000, POOR BABIES.

And that is why Kim Davis probably won't get any bigot bucks, at least not through GoFundMe. Bad timing for Kim! Guess she'll just have to find some new platform where they LOVE Criminals For Jesus. Maybe she can ask around in jail one day while she's trading Bible verse recitations for Virginia Slims.

P.S. Somebody set up an Indiegogo for Davis but AW SHUCKS it's been removed. Guess Satan controls that site too!

[Addicting Info / GoFundMe]


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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