Satanic Temple Rides Hobby Lobby To Obvious Conclusion: Abortions For Everyone! (Updated)
Update: Yes, the Hobby Lobby decision was of course written by Samuel Alito, Antonin Scalia's Mini-Me. Wonkette regrets the error from here to
British Columbia Alberta.
The only thing that can stop a bad guy who's trolling is a good guy who's trolling. Enter the Satanic Temple, a group of happy warriors (for Satan) who have graced these digital pages before. This time, they're taking Justice
Antonin Scalia's Samuel Alito's majority opinion in Hobby Lobby and smearing it with the blood of the unborn, for freedom.
In a statement, the Satanic Temple said that it will use the Supreme Court’s recent Hobby Lobby decision to exempt its believers from state-mandated informed consent laws that require women considering abortions to read pro-life material. [...]
Because the Satanic Temple bases its belief “regarding personal health…on the best scientific understanding of the world, regardless of the religious or political beliefs of others,” it claims that state-mandated information with no basis in scientific fact violates its “religious” beliefs.
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED. COUNTER-TROLL LEVEL UP!
The dark warriors of the Satanic Temple are not the first Americans to note that Justice Antonin Scalia and company are trolls -- Rachel Maddow did that back in February 2013 -- but they are, to Yr Wonkette's knowledge, the first group to actually test the limits of
Scalia's Alito's ridiculous Hobby Lobby decision. And while we are not a lawyer, we think the Satanic Temple's spokesperson is on pretty solid legal ground. What's good for the fat Satanic goose is good for the fat, Roman Catholic gander, right Justice Scalia? Alito?
[Satanic Temple] spokesperson, Lucien Greaves, points out that the controversial Hobby Lobby ruling bolsters their cause: “While we feel we have a strong case for an exemption regardless of the Hobby Lobby ruling, the Supreme Court has decided that religious beliefs are so sacrosanct that they can even trump scientific fact. This was made clear when they allowed Hobby Lobby to claim certain contraceptives were abortifacients, when in fact they are not. Because of the respect the Court has given to religious beliefs, and the fact that our our beliefs are based on best available knowledge, we expect that our belief in the illegitimacy of state-mandated ‘informational’ material is enough to exempt us, and those who hold our beliefs, from having to receive them.”
Seems reasonable to us! But only time will tell whether the Satanic Temple's religious beliefs are real religious beliefs, like
Antonin Scalia's Samuel Alito's ultramontanist version of Roman Catholicism, or fake religious beliefs, like those held by the dope-smokin' scofflaws of the Native American Church.
Yr Wonkette's official, non-lawyerly position on the case is one of unadulterated glee. We are just tickled pink to see
Antonin the Scalia faction and its originalist view of the Constitution placed in the position of deciding what is and what is not a legitimate religious belief. It's just what Ghost James Madison would have wanted, and if anyone can commune with the holy ghosts of the Constitutional Convention, it's pretty obviously Antonin Scalia (and Samuel Alito, who, as we say, wrote the Hobby Lobby decision).
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