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BAD COMEY BAD!


Do you watch the popular Shonda Rhimes television drama "The Scandals"? If you do, you might remember a scene where Cyrus Beene orders a "kill folder" on Olivia Pope, i.e. a collection of truths, half-truths, gossip and whatnot, used to smear that person's reputation in the public eye. The goal is to destroy that person's credibility, so if they have shit on you, or can do damage to you, they're less likely to be taken seriously.

Speaking of James Comey, one of the prime witnesses for the prosecution on just how much Donald Trump obstructed justice in the Russia investigation, a pair of dipshit GOP senators from the Senate Judiciary Committee and Jay Sekulow, Trump's second dumbest lawyer, are mooing like the maddest of cows over how Comey went ahead and started preparing statements on why the FBI wouldn't bring charges against Hillary Clinton BEFORE THE INVESTIGATION WAS EVEN OVER. Sure, it was just a couple months before Comey announced that "no reasonable prosecutor" would bring a case against Hillary (here's why), and he probably prepared those drafts because he knew exactly which direction the investigation was going and wanted to start crafting how to explain that to the American people, but ZOMG THIS MEANS JAMES COMEY EXONERATED HILLARY CLINTON BEFORE SHE EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT FAILING TO COMMIT A CRIME! Burn him for a witch!

Oh yeah, the gullible Dipshit-In-Chief is pushing this crap too, probably because he watched "Fox & Friends" Friday morning:

How stupid is the current barely elected president? That stupid.

The GOP senators trying to sell this desperate Hail Mary are human/butter cow hybrid Chuck Grassley and genteel confirmed bachelor Lindsey Graham. Grassley is dumber than a bag of goat dicks, so we expect this from him. Graham, on the other hand, is just being a bastard. They're especially het up that Comey did this before the FBI interviewed Hillary, which is just unfair, because maybe she would have come in and signed a full confession that said, "I, Hitlery Rodham Pol Pot Benghazi Dahmer Jones, am history's greatest email monster, and I ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE OF IT." You don't know, maybe she would have said that! She might have even, after a jolly round of waterboarding, revealed the location of the secret passageway that leads to the nonexistent pizza parlor basement where she did Pizzagate. She MIGHT have explained how every year on Halloween, she raises Vince Foster from the dead, JUST SO SHE CAN KILL HIM AGAIN.

But that pussy Comey had to be all, "Let's go ahead and get started on this, because it's obvious where this is going." PFFFFFFFT.

The letter Graham and Grassley sent to FBI Director Chris Wray is hilarious, in that it proves OUR FUCKING POINT and not theirs. It starts off OK, much as a third grader's attempt at taking the bar exam might be viewed as an adorable first try:

These two flaming flagons of dumbfuckery don't seem to understand that the FBI agents investigating Hillary's emails might have been in contact with their own director about how they were reaching the conclusion that there was no "there" there. But that's OK, nobody really expects mere GOP senators to understand Things, How Do THEY Work?

The letter really goes to hell when Graham and Grassley quote transcripts of an interview with Jim Rybicki, who was Comey's chief of staff. This is the part about proving OUR point and not theirs:

He keeps saying, "Sure, you idiot, but it was MFing obvious what the outcome of this investigation was going to be." Story over, right? Nah, it gets dumber.

Graham and Grassley then point out that, on top of how Clinton had not been interviewed, SIXTEEN OTHER KEY WITNESSES had not been interviewed yet. How dare James Comey start writing rough drafts before those folks had their opportunity to show the FBI on the doll where Hillary emailed them? These Republican boy geniuses apparently have not considered the possibility that if those interviews or further investigation HAD revealed new evidence, or if Comey had found criminal intent or obstruction of justice, then his rough draft about Hillary's ultimate innocence probably wouldn't have seen the light of day.

As we said, Chuck Grassley is about as sentient as an empty Pringles can, so we don't expect him to understand stuff like this. Graham, on the other hand, knows better.

If you want to see Trump's wingnut idiot lawyer Jay Sekulow bitching about this on Fox News, knock yourself out by clicking here.

We'd rather give the last word to Benjamin Wittes from Lawfare. These are excerpts from a longer thread (read it here), but these tweets capture the essence of his argument, which is pretty much just common sense:

ZING!

So STFU, Lindsey Graham, Chuck Grassley, Jay Sekulow and Donald Trump. The grownups are talking.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE!

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[Politico / Graham 'n' Grassley Dumbfuck Letter For Dumbfucks]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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